Tag Archives: the world

Controlling Relationships more thoughts..

Stef gave me some good feedback and I want to add to it. I always asked who, what, when, where, why, and how. I didn’t realize it was breaking her down emotionally and making her a miserable person. I never knew saying don’t do this or that was so bad. Most concerns are not really concerns because they are our own insecurities. 

I love her very much, and my actions reflect those changes I promised her. She is seeing a man on a mission everyday. I am finally her rock. She can count on me to love her the right way and take care of her and the family emotionally and financially. Thank you my love.

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My Beautiful Bride

There is nothing more special or emotional to me than my beautiful bride. My fiancé and I have been through hell and back, but we are still together. We have both made mistakes, taken full responsibility for our actions, and we decided it was time to grow up and commit ourselves to each other. When we allowed ourselves to become vulnerable, fully committed, and unguarded, something happened. We started to fall in love with one another, and we never looked back. We are committed to our future together, and we see an amazing future with one another.

 

In a few months, I will be lucky enough to marry my best friend. I have come full circle, embracing family and cherishing every second I have with this incredible woman. I decided to write this article because of an article I read in which an elderly male continued to introduce his wife as his beautiful bride, even after the many years they had been married. I could actually see this man looking at his wife with the same intensity he did the first time he ever saw her. In other words, every day is like the first date in his mind. He falls in love with her over and over again long after the wedding, honeymoon, kids, grand kids, and great grand kids.

 

What I find most fascinating about the process of life is that we are constantly evolving individually and as a couple. Age and kids bring changes in our body and minds. People are all too quick to give up at the first sign of adversity. I have wasted a lot of years of my life no doubt. I know I will always be there for her when she having a bad day or good day, when she is sick or injured, when she needs support, loses a family member, or just needs reassurance that things will be alright.

 

You see, for those of you who do not believe in fairy tales, they do come true. It is all about giving your all every day. Looking year after year at the one person you are committed too and saying thank you for loving me and thank you for making me a better person. No matter what happens in this life or the next, I know my beautiful bride will always love me, and I know I will always be there for her as well. She deserves the best from me, and she will get nothing less than the best.

 

In the end, relationships take effort, so put in the work, reap the rewards, and love each other every minute and never look back.

 


Fireproof

Yesterday showed me just how wrong I have been, when I thought I was actually right about everything. I genuinely thought in my mind I was doing everything, everyday the right way. I am faithful, loyal, committed, passionately in love with my bride, and I always do whatever I can for her in order to take the burden off her shoulders. Boy, was I wrong! Relationships take work, time, and commitment. Until you uncover the root cause of the issues you as an individual are facing, you will continue to have problems. I never thought I was the one who had problems. I just needed her to listen to my concerns. This was the wrong approach to take.

 

We watched Fireproof as a family. If you care at all about your marriage or your relationship, then it is a movie to watch. Moreover, there are online resources to utilize to help you in this journey. It is a very emotional process, and it makes you face tough issues, but is it the best thing out there for truly understanding how to love one another. It is for serious people who genuinely care about their significant other and their relationship. This is something you can do together, so throw your heart and soul into it, and never look back. I will always “study” her, and I will always do what I can every single day to show her how much I love her. The movie showed me that I never knew how to love myself, so how could I love her properly, if I couldn’t understand how to do so?

 

It is about faith and religion, and its application is geared towards whatever higher being you believe in. Additionally, I realized I cannot shoulder everything. I need guidance. While I thought I was doing everything in my power to meet her needs, I was failing in some aspects which were sensitive for us to discuss and probably the most important. Open and honest communication is necessary in any relationship, so put your pride aside, watch, actively listen, and put a plan into action together. This is a lifestyle change, not just a fix. You will see that both of you will reap the rewards by loving and growing with each other more than you ever thought possible.

 

As in all things I do, thank you for honey for loving me, being patient, and for all you do. This is for you and girls.


Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving Day has evolved since its original gathering at Plymouth Colony in 1621. This first feast involved turkey and pumpkin pie, shared by 53 Pilgrims and 90 Native Americans.   Originally, a festival harvest celebration for the harvest of the preceding year, it became a national holiday after George Washington’s proclamation in 1789, finally, becoming a federal holiday during the Civil War, authorized by Abraham Lincoln.

 

There are many people who wish to argue the true meaning of Thanksgiving and the ideology associated with it. However, there is one common theme no one can argue……..  giving thanks for whatever you deem appropriate.

 

This holiday season remember those who have made ultimate sacrifice for freedom. Politics aside, there is no greater honor in my opinion. Never take for granted the time you have been given because it is a gift others will not have in the next few seconds. Love your family and friends, tell them thank you for being in your life, and how much you appreciate them. This next year be a better you.

 

I want to leave you with a quotation from Tecumseh, a Native American Chief.  He talks about life, death, and giving thanks. I hope you will embrace his words, and live your life accordingly.

 

 

“So live your life so the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their views, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and of service to your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or sign of salute when meeting or passing a stranger if in a lonely place. Show respect to all people, but grovel to none. When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life and strength. Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies in yourself. Touch not the poisonous firewater that makes wise ones turn to fools and robs them of their visions. When your time comes to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home.”
 

 


Why is there so much violence?

There is so much violence around the world and in the United States. I believe the very freedoms we enjoy are also the Achilles Heel of much of what we deal with. There has been a culture change and numbness to violence. While I use to believe video games and embedded journalism should have no restrictions placed on them, what I have come to realize that maybe they should. Our society is a very volatile one. We care more about proving a point than rallying together regardless of race, sex, or sexual orientation. We are a free society for a reason, but there comes responsibility with those very freedoms as well. Ownership, hold yourself accountable for your actions and inactions. Violence and threats solve nothing. The senseless killing of one another does nothing more than create more violence. It is so easy to pick up a gun and shoot someone rather than talk things through. Diplomacy and active listening are lost arts. People are more willing to jump to conclusions based on a lack of information than they are to hear what the other person has to say.

 

Even as a conflict resolution expert, I struggle with my own life. No one is perfect. Treat everyone as they want to be treated. Look past the color of skin, a uniform, and hearsay. Talk through problems. People are so quick to walk away from an issue or problem rather than giving everyone the opportunity to say what they need to say. People assume the worse in each other, when there is a lot of good in them as well.

 

It is more obvious now more than ever that each person has the ability to kill. However, we choose not too based on the norms of society, and based on rational thinking. Others, let their emotions get the best of them, and even when they are trying to prove a point they end up looking like babbling psychopaths. The extremism and radicalism of racial and religious divide in the world is out of control. Ignorance instead of tolerance is becoming the norm. People are unwilling to compromise and just agree to disagree. You may not agree with what the other person believes in or what they do in their lives, but it does not excuse you to use violence. Instead, it is an opportunity to learn more about an issue from a different perspective. Your way is not the only way, it is just a way. While some will argue violence is the only way to create change, I will argue that it is only a short term solution. Be a part of the solution, not a part of the problem. Most of the violence seen around the world is an excuse for criminals to be criminals, and they will look for any excuse or opportunity to create chaos and destruction. In the end, there is so much violence because people lack the coping skills to deal with sensitive issues, and they resort to violence in order to fill the void their knowledge, skills, and ability lack.

 

 


Why Does Religion Cause Conflict?

Today I thought I would discuss my thoughts about religion. This is in no way shape or form to say my views are right. I am not here to say any one person’s views are wrong, nor am I here to put down another person’s beliefs. However, I would like to cultivate a discussion, or at the very least, a different perspective. The following is based on my own experiences, so take what you want from it.

From a conflict analysis perspective, religion has been at the root of all the World Wars, conquests, and international conflicts. While religion talks about peace and harmony, it is without a doubt extremely violent. There is extremism in many forms, but religion tends to bring violence out the most. It is a strange phenomenon in my opinion because there are no concrete facts to back up the events of religion other than the various versions of the Bible or other religious books. Unlike evolution, where there is scientific facts that are undisputable, religion bases its beliefs on books, written by several men, and is it their interpretation of what God told them. I am sure there are many of you who are exploding or even yelling at my post, but before I am sentenced to a life of damnation in hell, let us explore religion from a different perspective.

What is extremism? Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines extremism as belief in and support for ideas that are very far from what most people consider correct or reasonable. Extremism occurs in every facet of life, not just religion. Richard Dawkins, a preeminent scientist — and the world’s most prominent atheist — asserts the irrationality of belief in God and the grievous harm religion has inflicted on society, from the Crusades to 9/11. Dawkins examines God in all his form, he is the Author of, The God Delusion, and he says, “The take-home message is that we should blame religion itself, not religious extremism – as though that were some kind of terrible perversion of real, decent religion. Voltaire got it right long ago: ‘Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.’ So did Bertrand Russell: ‘Many people would sooner die than think. In fact they do.” What is the truth? No one really knows, but what can be for sure is the fact people will go to extremes to protect their religious beliefs. It is the one thing they hold dearest, and they become victims to the insanity of religious extremism.
Christianity is not that old of a religion. It is about 2000 years old, and Hinduism is the oldest at roughly 4000 years old. Just to be clear, Islam is not that old as it is roughly 600 years old being one of the youngest. The earth however is very old at roughly at 4.5 Billion years. Many people, including myself, (believe it or not), believe in Jesus Christ. However, I am a social scientist, and I like to ask questions. Since the Bible talks about Jesus, and history says Jesus existed, I guess we can all assume on some level he walked the earth. The problem with some of the facts lies in the belief these things may not have even happened. It is based on blind faith, and it is based on the fact that we want to believe a human being possessed these so called God like powers. Could it be possible Jesus was born from a virgin mother? It is highly unlikely and impossible. I guess being a scientist I will have to admit anything is possible, but from a scientific perspective you have to have a sperm fertilize the egg in order to form a zygote.

Where does God fit in?

God however is a different story. I know some will say God is the beginning and the end, the alpha and omega, but I will question this. If God speaks to men, then God was created by something or someone. While religious books say God has no form, it is the omnipresent inside of each person, and God is around us all the time, is pushes me to ask the question where did God come from? He/ she/ or it didn’t just appear. Some higher being or higher source made it. Space is infinite as far as we know, but we are learning there is a real possibility other life forms exist. We have scientifically confirmed the earth is as old as it is, so why is man and religion as young as they are? It doesn’t make sense if you look at the entire picture. Something doesn’t come from nothing. There was something that created everything. Some of you will say to me that it is not my place to question if God is real, but it is my place to blindly believe. I will say you are a hypocrite and you are probably one the reasons religion is as violent as it is…..i.e. extremism.

http://www.religionfacts.com/compare/religions

The following link is a chart that explores the 37 religions practiced by most people. It is interesting to note how many religions follow one another. The Koran, Bible, and other religious books all parallel one another to some degree. It is left up to each individual to interpret what they are reading. At the end of the day, it is not about how right or wrong I am or these books are in their so called religious walk of life, it is about having faith. The problem occurs when people can no longer sit down and have an open discussion without feeling like they are being attacked. I know some of you reading this have deep religious beliefs, and I am sure some of you have had God speak to you at some point. I will say if you believe in something long enough or hard enough anything is possible. The mind is a very powerful tool, and if you believe you saw a higher being, in your mind you did. I have been very close to death on a few occasions, and I can assure you no two experiences are the same.

Does religion cause violence? Yes it does. I felt like this post was important in order to see how many of you were caught of guard by my questioning of your beliefs, your spiritual course, or your God. This is why conflict exists, because people cannot talk about the sensitive topics with out taking it personally. If you feel attacked, then you will attack back. My point is this…… be open minded enough as a scholar, researcher, or religious person to simply say I don’t know what lies on the other side after death. Who knows if God really exists? Or, if anything is even in the after life. When people say I am doomed to an after life in hell, I have to laugh because who are they to judge? The last time I checked, you didn’t walk on water, have special powers, and you put your pants on one leg at a time like everyone else.

Let me be clear. I am not saying it is wrong to believe in God, and I am saying it is ok to ask questions. I have deep religious beliefs as well, but faith is all we can have because there are no true answers to religion.

Solution- be open minded and respectful to others personal views and beliefs. Just because you believe in one thing, and they believe in something else, does not mean they are wrong. Do not push your personal beliefs on others. It creates animosity and further division between people. Stay true to your morals, values, & beliefs. After all, it is your life, not someone else’s to live. Remember at the end of the day, all we can do is have faith that in the after life there is something better than the world we live in. In the mean time, live life to the fullest, love with all your heart, and treat others the way they want to be treated.


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