Tag Archives: non-rational actors

Controlling Relationships more thoughts..

Stef gave me some good feedback and I want to add to it. I always asked who, what, when, where, why, and how. I didn’t realize it was breaking her down emotionally and making her a miserable person. I never knew saying don’t do this or that was so bad. Most concerns are not really concerns because they are our own insecurities. 

I love her very much, and my actions reflect those changes I promised her. She is seeing a man on a mission everyday. I am finally her rock. She can count on me to love her the right way and take care of her and the family emotionally and financially. Thank you my love.


Why is there so much violence?

There is so much violence around the world and in the United States. I believe the very freedoms we enjoy are also the Achilles Heel of much of what we deal with. There has been a culture change and numbness to violence. While I use to believe video games and embedded journalism should have no restrictions placed on them, what I have come to realize that maybe they should. Our society is a very volatile one. We care more about proving a point than rallying together regardless of race, sex, or sexual orientation. We are a free society for a reason, but there comes responsibility with those very freedoms as well. Ownership, hold yourself accountable for your actions and inactions. Violence and threats solve nothing. The senseless killing of one another does nothing more than create more violence. It is so easy to pick up a gun and shoot someone rather than talk things through. Diplomacy and active listening are lost arts. People are more willing to jump to conclusions based on a lack of information than they are to hear what the other person has to say.

 

Even as a conflict resolution expert, I struggle with my own life. No one is perfect. Treat everyone as they want to be treated. Look past the color of skin, a uniform, and hearsay. Talk through problems. People are so quick to walk away from an issue or problem rather than giving everyone the opportunity to say what they need to say. People assume the worse in each other, when there is a lot of good in them as well.

 

It is more obvious now more than ever that each person has the ability to kill. However, we choose not too based on the norms of society, and based on rational thinking. Others, let their emotions get the best of them, and even when they are trying to prove a point they end up looking like babbling psychopaths. The extremism and radicalism of racial and religious divide in the world is out of control. Ignorance instead of tolerance is becoming the norm. People are unwilling to compromise and just agree to disagree. You may not agree with what the other person believes in or what they do in their lives, but it does not excuse you to use violence. Instead, it is an opportunity to learn more about an issue from a different perspective. Your way is not the only way, it is just a way. While some will argue violence is the only way to create change, I will argue that it is only a short term solution. Be a part of the solution, not a part of the problem. Most of the violence seen around the world is an excuse for criminals to be criminals, and they will look for any excuse or opportunity to create chaos and destruction. In the end, there is so much violence because people lack the coping skills to deal with sensitive issues, and they resort to violence in order to fill the void their knowledge, skills, and ability lack.

 

 


Admitting when you are wrong

I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I have hurt a lot of people. There is no excuse for it, and I take full responsibility for it. In 44 years of my life, I have been blaming others for my inadequacies; I have blamed others for not reaching my goals, and not doing the right thing. I am not a law breaker, I don’t do drugs, and I very rarely drink if any. My life compared to most is pretty boring you might say. I have never owned a house, and I have lived outside of my means, living pay check to pay check, with nothing more to show than debt. I have always felt like a failure, but what I have managed to see is that it is my own fault. I have no one else to blame. The decisions I have made were my own. More than anything, I had to forgive my self, which is a hard burden to shoulder.

 

Now, I have focus, now I have a support system that encourages me. I am a better man, and every person that comes into my life serves a purpose, to make me a better person. In other words, I have goals, plans, and dreams. I have things I want to accomplish. It is about the process, and it is about learning what to do and what not to do. At the end of the day, it is about being better than the day before. I will never take advantage of anyone, I will never intentionally hurt anyone, and I will do my best each day to live life to the fullest.

 

I am not looking for anything from anyone, I am just saying regardless of who you are we all make mistakes. I have tried all my life to do it all alone, and I can no longer do it. I am doing things the right way, trying my best to live by the words I write. In the next few months you will start to learn more about me, my life, the people in it, and how we all can relate to one another. There will be some really good things to come out of this transition, and I hope you will be apart of this journey.


Is violence a necessary part of international conflict?

Recently, I ran into an interesting debate about the field of conflict analysis & resolution. On one hand, we as peace practitioners are concerned with understanding the underlying issues of the conflict, examining them from unbiased perspectives, breaking them down to their core so we can expose all possible avenues of the conflict to those involved, and if we are lucky, we will take the information and provide multiple avenues of management or resolution. Safety and security are the number one priorities in any conflict analysis situation. However, there seems to be a stigma in our field that everything in conflict analysis and resolution must be based on the best practices of preserving peace and tranquility, the pictures of the 1969’s Woodstock, NY concerts come to many peoples mind. In my opinion, this undermines the true meaning of conflict analysis and the hard work many people in our field deal with everyday.

While many institutions preach the value of creating and sustaining peace, they fall short by not equally discussing that violence is necessary in some cases or at the very least, these institutions should provide a realist perspective to conflict. I am not condoning or suggesting any type of violence in the workplace, relationships, or any other forum to resolve conflict. I am saying there are people who must be eliminated for the common good. More specifically, extremist such as: Hitler and Osama Bin Laden. The reality is war and violence is sometimes necessary to ensure the safety and security of all stakeholders. This does NOT include or encourage any civil violence or civil disturbances, nor does it condone to take action into your on hands. Nor does it condone the violence against one another in developed worlds or in the United States like the violence we are seeing against police officers. This is murder, it does not solve problems, and it is ignorant for anyone to think other wise. However, from an international perspective, violence becomes a necessary extension of conflict management or resolution, i.e. against ISIL and ISIS.  While violence is usually considered to be the last option, there are times when it is the only option. It must be noted, violence alone does not solve problems, but when it is combined with other techniques it can be very useful. What would the United States look like today if we did not get involved during Word War II?

There are social and political issues that most governments are unable to meet, and these are the most basic human needs of the population, not to mention the psychological aspects that have long lasting effects, directly effecting the future actions of those involved if not addressed early. This is why many people turn to extremist because they have the ability to provide goods and services the government cannot provide. In his research, On Peace in Times of War: Resolving Violent Conflicts by Peaceful Means, written by Juergen Dedring, he discusses the problems associated with the use of modern day techniques. The problem lies not with our ability to resolve conflict, but it is the method by which we try to resolve or mange conflict. The modern problem solving approach is based on rational actors. When conflict has escalated to the point of the use of violence, it is involving non-rational actors. The modern approach utilizes a theory based approach without the practical application needed to fully understand the importance of the stakeholders.

As practitioners, we must be able to think outside the box, and form solutions based on what the stakeholders deem most important, not the practitioner. A theory is only as good as the application. There is no cookbook approach to conflict resolution, especially in regards to the use of violence. We must go further than trying to understand the conflict, its background, its roots, culture, and people. We must approach it from every angle possible to facilitate a solution. Remember it is not your conflict. The stakeholders want to be ones who come up with the solution, because they are the ones who understand its nuances best. They may have multiple resolution or management solutions, but they lack the ability to implement or understand how to best implement the solutions. In Iraq, Afghanistan, and the Balkans in the 90’s, violence is necessary in order to gain security and safety in order to start peaceful negotiations.

Academic institutions and practitioners should be honest when discussing conflict management and conflict resolution to their students. Regardless of the best intentions, peaceful negotiations may not always be in the best interest of those involved. While most programs believe firmly in the ability to resolve any conflict by non-violent means, it is not realistic, and it is not the world we live in. However, from an educational standpoint, it is important to discuss why violence should and should not be used. Weather or not you agree with war, if it were not for the men and women who put their lives in harms way everyday, you would not be enjoying the freedoms you take for granted.


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