Tag Archives: logic

Think Before You Speak

Many times, it is easy to blurt out things without ever taking the time to think about what you are getting ready to say. When emotions fill the air, our inability to rationally think causes us to have diarrhea of the mouth. The words that follow makes us feel like a super hero for a few seconds as we deflect words from the other person that make us cringe. What we should realize is there are times when words of positivity and appreciation are the better route to take.

Arguing is nothing more than two people showing how ignorant they are to one another. Even when you know you are right, there is something about the whole process that is undeniably inept. Men tend to be worse at it than women, but it does work both ways.

As I sit here writing this piece, I cannot believe how many times I wasted my energy and time having an argument. Most of the time it is over something silly, but there are times I want my feelings to be heard. In contrast, some believe it is healthy to argue. I tend to agree if it builds trust in the relationship by allowing one another to completely express their thoughts and emotions without ridicule or put downs. When this occurs, the relationship grows, and it brings two people closer. The problem is that most relationships do not allow for this to occur.

In the end, whatever you decide, just make sure you argue in a manner that is beneficial to all parties involved. It is easy to let your emotions take over, stop listening, and throw out as many put downs as possible. That attitude and those actions are detrimental to the relationship. If you truly care, take the time to listen to one another, and engage in a conversation where you leave feeling like you accomplished something together.


Turning the corner or being complacent in 2019

happy new year decorative plate
Photo by JESHOOTS.com on Pexels.com

 

Today is the start of another year. It is a time to reflect, reorganize, and decide how to approach the new year. It feels like spring time in a way because you get that warm and fuzzy feeling all over again. What ever happened in 2018 doesn’t matter anymore because it is 2019, and there is time to make yourself a better you.

I am excited about this year because we have two big goals set in place. We have a plan, and it is in motion. On a personal level, I want to be healthy and continue to move forward professionally. Each day brings a new opportunity to improve yourself. Take advantage of the new year and do not get in a rut. One of the biggest things a see people do, and I am guilty of it myself, is we start out full steam ahead, then about three months into it, we fall back into the old habits because it is easy. Set realistic goals. Make them tough enough so you must work for them in order to be successful. Do not let anything get in your way. The only thing stopping you is you.

Another problem I see is people not able to let go of the past or get so caught up in the moment that they lose focus on the goals they have set. The past is the past for a reason. You cannot and will never be that person again so move on. Do not let distractions deter you any longer. Build the future with the same passion you have with trying to hold on to the past. You will have those memories forever and they will never be replaced. Remember you are building new memories, and you may miss out if you are so blinded by the past.

Road bumps, they are going to happen. Deal with it, get over it, and move forward. I had one three days ago, and I saw it as a huge roadblock before we even got started on the goals we set. We made a compromise, and we put stipulations in place. Now it is a win-win situation for everyone.

Finally, you own everything you do or do not do. Remember one of Jocko’s best quotes, “Discipline equals freedom.” Happy New Year and good luck.

 

 


Controlling Relationships more thoughts..

Stef gave me some good feedback and I want to add to it. I always asked who, what, when, where, why, and how. I didn’t realize it was breaking her down emotionally and making her a miserable person. I never knew saying don’t do this or that was so bad. Most concerns are not really concerns because they are our own insecurities. 

I love her very much, and my actions reflect those changes I promised her. She is seeing a man on a mission everyday. I am finally her rock. She can count on me to love her the right way and take care of her and the family emotionally and financially. Thank you my love.


Controlling Relationships

This is a special article because it will be broken down into two parts. Part I will include my persepective, my mistakes, my regrets, and my conviction to correct my old problem for the rest of my life. Part II will include my other halfs perspective from her own words. We hope the reader can a better understanding the importance to openly communicate to one another so this does not happen. Relationships are worth fighting for especially when you genueinly love each other.

I honestly did not realize the damage I was doing until I got slapped in the face with the consequences of my actions. I thought I was protecting myself from being hurt when actually I was hurting us. Instead of bringing us closer together I was pushing her away. I thought she understood that I was trying to protect my family, trying to protect her, trying to do the right things as a man, father, and husband. I always take responsibility for my actions….. boy was I so incredibly wrong about doing things right. There is no doubt about how much I love my wife or kids, nor a shadow of doubt to my level of commitment to her and our family. I have never loved or appreciated anything so much. I often tell her how much the best place in the world is when I am holding her, and looking into her eyes. 

Guys listen up, step up and be a real man. Do not make the mistakes I did. You have to trust her. I always have but I wasn’t showing it because I was always getting upset about stupid stuff. She would stay over to talk to a female friend, my mind said it was a male. She wanted to work extra to pay a bill, my mind, she doesn’t want to spend time with me, and there is no way I want her to work her full time job extra. The proper thing to do is say hey honey I understand let’s figure it out together. Do not ever say you can’t or don’t!!!! Don’t do this or that, don’t wear this or that. Instead, express and voice your concerns. She and I are the worse about crap getting in our heads. However, we need each other but not in a demeaning way. We just love each other that much. Any concerns you may have do not say them over text!!!!!!! OMG!!! Text comes across the wrong way when you do not need them too every single time!!! Another example..Don’t go here or there. Instead, explain your concerns and move on. Things have to get done, and you cannot win every battle. I believe in transparency, but it goes far beyond this when you say you can’t or don’t. Asking not to do something is totally different, just make sure you have a good reason and not because of some crap in your head.

How did I feel? Like a total failure. I am sorry. However, this time my actions reflect my words. I have always been sincere in my apologies, but now that I truly understand finally, my actions will show it. My insecurities did this. I had no reason to be insecure. I am smart, educated, handsome (yes her words!!! Lol), and loving. She is my best friend and she loves me!!!! Why in the hell was I ever insecure?!!! Because I was an idiot. She loves me with all her heart, she trusts me, and she believes in me. 

We have financial issues like anyone else. However, we created debt together. We were strapped. Always be honest with your money issues. Pull your weight and work together because you are a partnership. Moving forward, I am doing all I can to reduce the income problems we have had. I will not be a supporter, I will be a provider.

What is my biggest regret? Hurting the only person in my life that I have ever truly loved. I never knew how not to be controlling. I never knew I wasn’t listening and it almost cost me everything. When you get hit with reality that your ass is losing everything and you have no control, you make life altering changes very quickly. You suck up your pride, step up, and be the man she knew was inside you, and you love her the way she has always wanted you too. I will never be that guy again.
My conviction and my only purpose is to do what we need for our family. I will love her the right way, I will get rid of our debt, and I will step up and be the man of the house. When I put articles out here it’s not just empty words. It is about accountability. It is our there for the world to see. There is no failure. I made her a few promises I will keep. First, changed behavior. I will lead by my actions. Second, I will always be a loving and supportive husband and father. Third, 1/2 to 3/4 of our credit card debt will be gone, and she will not have to work full time after the beginning of the year. I know, big promises. Well, guess what? I am keeping them all. 

In the end of Part I…. love your spouse do not be controlling. To easy! Stef will provide her perspective this week, and she will not hold back! I actually love that about her. 

Always fight for your family, but do it in way that is loving and enduring. It has made us better, brought us closer than ever before, and we appreciate things about each other so much more. I hate it happened, but if it makes my life with her better then I will go through hell and back. She deserves the best from me, and she has it because she showed me how not to be controlling just as I showed her how to love. It is a partnership.

 I love you more than anything on this earth. I trust you and I believe in you. I am your biggest fan and supporter. You gave me life when I had no air, you gave me hope when I lost hope in this world, and you love me and see good and greatness in me when I was too blind too. I will forever be changed for you, I will always put your needs before my own insecurities, and I will always love you the way you need me too. You are the greatest woman in the world. Your body drips with beauty, and I am the luckiest man in the world. I love you. As every minute passes when you are not in my arms I ache without you. I am so thankful and in love with you… thank you for making me a better man, father, and husband. 


How To Deal With Feeling Overwhelmed.

Bill’s, relationships, kids, and work are just a few of the day to day issues each of us must face. It is easy to become overwhelmed. When we get frustrated we start to take that frustration out on everyone else, especially our loved ones. So what does it mean to be overwhelmed? Everyone’s tolerance level is different. Some can handle a few tasks a time, others only one. Add the stress of a new job or living pay check to paycheck, then every situation becomes a mountain.
TEAM- Together Everyone Accomplishes More.

-Ask for help. The people you are pushing away are the very ones who want to be by your side.

-Exercise. It will make you feel better, and help you clear your mind

-Turn to your spouse. They are your best friend. Bounce ideas off each other and constantly strive to support and speak to each other in a nurturing manner.

-Meditation. Sit, think, and relax. This will help you make sense of things and give you purpose in your actions.

-Remain focused.

-Make a list of pro’s and con’s. Have a friend or your spouse do the same, see what ideas you come up with and compare the list. You may end up having more in common that you thought, or a new idea is might be born.

-Get some rest.

-Make a list of things to get done then divide and conquer.  

In the end, if you have someone who loves you deeply and passionately, work together as a partnership and resolved the issues that are making you feel overwhelmed. There is no need to face things alone. “Teamwork makes the dream work”


Expecting Something In Return

This is an interesting article about family dynamics. Sometimes we get caught up in life and forget family is a team dynamic. You and your spouse are in a partnership. Things get done because they need to get done. Some people expect a “thank you” for their hard work around at home. In reality, it is your obligation to your spouse and family to get things done. However, a simple kind word makes you feel good, and it goes a long way. It makes you want to work harder for your spouse. I always work hard, but when she tells me how thankful she is of the things I do, it makes me feel appreciated. I know she feels the same way when the roles are reversed. However, I agree with the authors reasoning in the article to some degree. I like what he has to say about it being your job to get things done at home because you live there, but I think leading by example and teaching manners makes common sense as well. Think about it, and spark a discussion with your significant other.

https://ladiespassiton.com/2017/06/12/i-do-not-help-my-wife/


Why Men Should Appreciate Their Other half……

 

You should appreciate your other half because:

 

-they put up with your mouth

-they take care of you when you are sick

-they are stronger than you

-if she is pregnant, she made a lung, heart, fingers, limbs…. And you…. Right, nothing!

-they cook

-they clean your clothes

-they listen to you complain when you are having a bad day.

-they are delicate inside and out, but can be as tough as barbed wire if needed.

-they keep us in line when are unable to do so

-they look more and more beautiful as each day passes

-they are understanding and compassionate

-they are kind

-they put things into perspective

-they love you even when you probably do not deserve it

-they take pride in the way they look

-they pour their heart and soul into the relationship

-they appreciate the small things

-they are nurturing

-they are passionate

-they are driven

-they are strong

This list doesn’t begin to scratch the surface as to why men should appreciate their other half, but it does show that woman are more well-rounded and mature than men. Thank you for all the hard work and dedication.

 

 


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