Tag Archives: internal struggle

Why is there so much violence?

There is so much violence around the world and in the United States. I believe the very freedoms we enjoy are also the Achilles Heel of much of what we deal with. There has been a culture change and numbness to violence. While I use to believe video games and embedded journalism should have no restrictions placed on them, what I have come to realize that maybe they should. Our society is a very volatile one. We care more about proving a point than rallying together regardless of race, sex, or sexual orientation. We are a free society for a reason, but there comes responsibility with those very freedoms as well. Ownership, hold yourself accountable for your actions and inactions. Violence and threats solve nothing. The senseless killing of one another does nothing more than create more violence. It is so easy to pick up a gun and shoot someone rather than talk things through. Diplomacy and active listening are lost arts. People are more willing to jump to conclusions based on a lack of information than they are to hear what the other person has to say.

 

Even as a conflict resolution expert, I struggle with my own life. No one is perfect. Treat everyone as they want to be treated. Look past the color of skin, a uniform, and hearsay. Talk through problems. People are so quick to walk away from an issue or problem rather than giving everyone the opportunity to say what they need to say. People assume the worse in each other, when there is a lot of good in them as well.

 

It is more obvious now more than ever that each person has the ability to kill. However, we choose not too based on the norms of society, and based on rational thinking. Others, let their emotions get the best of them, and even when they are trying to prove a point they end up looking like babbling psychopaths. The extremism and radicalism of racial and religious divide in the world is out of control. Ignorance instead of tolerance is becoming the norm. People are unwilling to compromise and just agree to disagree. You may not agree with what the other person believes in or what they do in their lives, but it does not excuse you to use violence. Instead, it is an opportunity to learn more about an issue from a different perspective. Your way is not the only way, it is just a way. While some will argue violence is the only way to create change, I will argue that it is only a short term solution. Be a part of the solution, not a part of the problem. Most of the violence seen around the world is an excuse for criminals to be criminals, and they will look for any excuse or opportunity to create chaos and destruction. In the end, there is so much violence because people lack the coping skills to deal with sensitive issues, and they resort to violence in order to fill the void their knowledge, skills, and ability lack.

 

 

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Admitting when you are wrong

I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I have hurt a lot of people. There is no excuse for it, and I take full responsibility for it. In 44 years of my life, I have been blaming others for my inadequacies; I have blamed others for not reaching my goals, and not doing the right thing. I am not a law breaker, I don’t do drugs, and I very rarely drink if any. My life compared to most is pretty boring you might say. I have never owned a house, and I have lived outside of my means, living pay check to pay check, with nothing more to show than debt. I have always felt like a failure, but what I have managed to see is that it is my own fault. I have no one else to blame. The decisions I have made were my own. More than anything, I had to forgive my self, which is a hard burden to shoulder.

 

Now, I have focus, now I have a support system that encourages me. I am a better man, and every person that comes into my life serves a purpose, to make me a better person. In other words, I have goals, plans, and dreams. I have things I want to accomplish. It is about the process, and it is about learning what to do and what not to do. At the end of the day, it is about being better than the day before. I will never take advantage of anyone, I will never intentionally hurt anyone, and I will do my best each day to live life to the fullest.

 

I am not looking for anything from anyone, I am just saying regardless of who you are we all make mistakes. I have tried all my life to do it all alone, and I can no longer do it. I am doing things the right way, trying my best to live by the words I write. In the next few months you will start to learn more about me, my life, the people in it, and how we all can relate to one another. There will be some really good things to come out of this transition, and I hope you will be apart of this journey.


Interpersonal Conflict

There are times in life when we question our purpose on this planet. Some choose to accept the path they are on and other choose to change it. Right or wrong we are the only ones that control our own destiny. The constant internal struggle is a tough thing to break through. It is our culture, history, background, and personal experiences that help navigate us through life. It is an interesting thing to sit and think about. Every person on this earth sees things from a different perspective. It is that perspective that provides a lens or the clarity to move forward.

 

We all have made mistakes, we have all disappoint people close to us, we have all faced adversity, and we have had to dig deep within ourselves, and put one foot in front of the other and push through the day. Some days it may be hour by hour, minute by minute, or even second by second but you push through it.

 

Many of us are content with the lives we are living because it feels comfortable. I am just as guilty as anyone. At some point we have to make ourselves better, we have to decide what we are going to do with the life we have been given. What are the priorities of your life? What will make you happiest? Then, you surround your self with the support system you need to get it done. Not everyone will agree with you, it is ok because it is your life, and you are the only one that can live it.

 

If there is something in your life you are questioning, I hope you will think about these words from an unknown Navy SEAL Instructor:

 

A man can only give up in two ways: he gives up or he dies.  As long as you have single pulse or a single breath in your body, do not quit. To quit means to give up, to give up on your dreams, to give on your family, to give up on yourself, to give up on your goals, and to give up on your team. It means you have decided to surrender to everything in life you have ever wanted to be.

 

The thing that helps define you is not your clothes, your home, your money, or the items you own, it is the person that shows up when life gets hard, when you are tired, and when everything looks like it is going against you. How you show up when everyone needs you the most is what life is all about, and it will define the kind of person you really are in life.

 

In conclusion, the interpersonal conflict we struggle with is something we all deal with everyday, but we have to look past our own selfishness and become selfless. In no way am I saying your dreams, goals, and aspirations should come second or third, but I am saying those things will not define you as a person. When others speak of your accomplishments and who you are as an individual, they will remember how you showed up for those around you.

 


How to be Successful in Life

Jeff Boss, a contributor for Entrepreneur, as someone who has been through Navy SEAL training, connects the mindset of a SEAL to everyday life in business.

“Training, learning, and improvement never end” You have to constantly strive to be better than you were the day before. We can always learn something from everyone, so do not be close minded to think you know everything.

“You don’t have to like it, you just have to do it” Whether or not you agree with the choices being made, you are going to have to do it anyway, so you should make the best of the situation and do the best you can. Lead by example, because your attitude can be the difference between others accepting it or creating more animosity.

“There is always a price to pay” Some things are bigger than the individual. Remember there are egos, lives, and livelihoods at stake when things go bad. The best thing you can do is always accept responsibility for your actions, learn from your mistakes and acknowledge them. There is a lot to be said about humility. This is what separates average people from exceptional leaders.

“Contrary to popular belief, there are stupid questions” Stupid people ask stupid questions. Boss makes it very clear by stating, “We live with the power of choice.” If you chose to do wrong, be willing to reap the rewards, or in this case the punishment. Again, accept responsibility for your actions,

“Two ways to do something, the right way, and again.” Take the time to do it right the first time. Train hard, and know your job, skill, and your limitations. If you are lacking in some area, take the time to practice. Do what it takes to be better than just average.

“Mind over matter, If I don’t mind, then it doesn’t matter” There are some things you can not change, so do not fight them. This is not to say you shouldn’t voice your concerns, because you definitely should. However, every situation dictates a different approach, and the team will either rejoice or suffer because of your actions.

“Change happens when you least expect it, and it lasts indefinitely” “Preparation won’t suffice, but adaptability will” We each have the ability to succeed as long as we are willing to accept change and adapt from it. The entire team has to be on the same page, and each member must be held accountable for their ability or inability to get the job done.  When it is all said and done, “preparation is the byproduct of a willingness to try.”

“Quitters” Anyone can be a quitter, but it takes a unique person to dig deep and suck it up when it gets tough. A strong team will be there to support you no matter the circumstances. Quitters are weak minded, lack goals, vision, and the mental capacity to get things done, and they are willing to let their personal issues or pain get in the way of accomplishing their goals.

It is easy to be an individual, but it is harder to work as a team. Most people do not want to deal with other people’s deficiencies. They are not willing to take the time to speak frankly and lend a hand. Everyone takes criticism differently, so you learn as much as you can about the members on your team. Balance one another, and take the time to bring them up to speed in deficient areas.


Friends

During our lifetime, research suggests we will meet as many as 10,000 people. Of those 10,000, we may be lucky enough to surround ourselves with people we can trust, have fun with, and build life long relationships. During the last two months, I have found out who my true friends really are in life. Sadly, there are none. When I thought about the couple of people who would be there for me when no one else would be, I learned my problems did not matter to them. It has created an internal struggle for me, and it is the focus for this week’s topic, friendship.

What is friendship? Harbhajan Singh quotes,, “I define friendship as a bond that transcends all barriers. When you are ready to expect anything and everything from friends, good, bad or ugly… that’s what I call true friendship.” I would add that TRUE friendship is when you know the person standing next to you has your back no matter the circumstances, and when the crap hits the fan, they are still standing when all others have left.

I keep my emotions in check most of the time, but I expect my best friends to let me express my emotions, thoughts, and feelings when needed. It is not healthy to keep everything built up inside of you because at some point you will crash. I use to think I was more of a man to keep everything built up inside, never showing weakness or vulnerability, and pushing through my struggles alone.  What I found out is it is not healthy. Research suggests keeping emotions built up causes high blood pressure, stress, cardiac issues, mental fatigue, and other physiologic issues.

Marc Chernof, in “9 Things a True Friend Would Never Do,” makes a strong argument about how true friends behave, he suggests the following things a friend never does:

  • Criticized you for being flawed
  • Walk away when times get tough
  • Discourage you
  • Hold a grudge over your head
  • Lie to you
  • Pretend like they have all the answers
  • Take from you without giving back
  • Bully you
  • Make you feel like your burdening them

His article was eye opening for me as I realized my so called best friends are just like everyone else. It is difficult to find true friends, and it is just as painful when they judge you or abandon you when you need them the most. If you are like me, you don’t really want people knowing your business, but when you confide in someone and they tell others about you, it is painful. The question then becomes, how do we resolve the internal need for someone we can truly trust and just having a group of friends?

I am the kind of guy that will always keep his word. If you tell me something, I will not go around spreading rumors or telling other people your business. I am honest and loyal, but I expect the same in return. I will be there for you no matter the distance or time of day. It is an honor to be chosen as a friend or best friend, and these are not words I take lightly. Remember thes people chose you to be a friend because of some of the unique qualities you have that no one else does. They could have chosen anyone, but they chose you. Do not let them down, but choose your friends wisely. Always be respectful and keep your word. True friendships are hard to come by so enjoy the people who come and go in your life, and stay in touch with those who have moved away. When they are gone from this earth, you will regret not making more of an effort.


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