Tag Archives: integrity

Controlling Relationships more thoughts..

Stef gave me some good feedback and I want to add to it. I always asked who, what, when, where, why, and how. I didn’t realize it was breaking her down emotionally and making her a miserable person. I never knew saying don’t do this or that was so bad. Most concerns are not really concerns because they are our own insecurities. 

I love her very much, and my actions reflect those changes I promised her. She is seeing a man on a mission everyday. I am finally her rock. She can count on me to love her the right way and take care of her and the family emotionally and financially. Thank you my love.


Speechless……………………………..

This is one of those posts that directly relates to something personal. So, have you ever had one of those days in which nothing can go right? Well guess what…. It has been two days now, and the spiral continues downward.

 

The back story is this: Men, learn to pick and choose your battles. The more you try to fix it, the worse it gets. There is no winning. I found a quote that says, “A woman has the last word in an argument. Anything a man says after that is the start of a new argument.” The best advice I can give you is to walk away, and don’t keep running your mouth. It doesn’t just make things bad, it escalates from something you can talk about later to pure unadulterated hatred. It is like throwing a 5000 gallon tank of gasoline on a small camp fire….. i.e. BAD DECISION!!!!!!!!

 

In my case, there is no excuse. I just simply messed up. I kept on talking when I should have just walked away. Sometimes you just have to take the beating. There is nothing you can say or do. You are not going to be right, even when you are right. You can do everything perfect, and it doesn’t matter. In my case, I cleaned the house so she could just relax today. Did it help? Probably…..Instead, this morning I wanted to talk and that was just not acceptable (especially since it was her only day off this week). By our own natural instincts, men want to fix things, but when it comes to woman,  it takes time. Men have an off and on button. We can just let things go with in the next 10 minutes if we just talk about it. Women do not work that way at all. They will bring up anything and everything to hurt you because they are hurting at that moment. It doesn’t make it right, and most of it is said in emotion. Stef has told me on more than one occasion to just walk away.  You would think I learned my lesson.

 

In the end, just admit you are wrong, Lord knows I put two feet, a trunk, and a wheelbarrow in my mouth. Always talk with love and compassion about an issue that is bothering you. I have to admit, it is a tough line to walk. If I am wrong I have no issues apologizing. So guess what….. I am sorry for not using good judgement, common sense, and rational behavior. Instead, I used poor judgement, talked like an ape, and looked like a piece a crap.

 

I will leave you with a quote from Clifford Adams, “Silence is never more golden than when a quarrel is brewing.”

 

As always, thank you honey for loving me, being patient, and showing restraint. I am a better man because of you. I love you.

 

 

 

 

 


Insecurity

Insecurity in relationships can have devastating and long lasting effects. When we allow our emotions to control our mouths, we have lost control, and a downward spiral begins. I call this diarrhea of the mouth. We have become so obsessed with something we “think” is going on, moving from a place of reality, to a fantasy world filled with the demons we place in them, that we lose sight of what is really going on. In most cases, nothing. The mind is a very strong and powerful thing. It tends to take control, and it gets the best of us when we allow it.

The following explores the top reason why this occurs. The top reasons I found were a lack of confidence, fear of judgement, and past experiences. While we would like to believe the world is touchy feely, in reality, it is a very harsh and unforgiving place. People lack confidence because of the things they have experienced. People can be cruel. Not everyone is blessed with a perfect smile, shape, money, or outgoing personality. Many people do not know how to overcome these issues either, so when insecurity strikes, it hits with the force of a tornado, total chaos and loss of control.

Fear of judgement has its own issues. People tend to fail to act because they are afraid of what others might think. Because they fail to try, they never know what they are capable of doing. In other words, they never reach their true potential, find their true calling in life, or meet the person who is out there for them. Every person is judgmental because we come from different backgrounds, cultures, and family beliefs. These things shape what we believe and how we act.

Our past experiences play a role in our insecurity. If we have hurt someone in the past, then, we are afraid they will do it to us. Trust in any relationship is paramount. Let me be clear. Cheating is cheating. Mentally, emotionally, or physically, they are all considered cheating. Texting or talking in a manner less than professional to someone of the opposite sex is not acceptable. In every situation, be respectful to your spouse and their feelings. This will increase their level of trust in you, and it will greatly decrease their level of insecurity.

I believe lacking confidence, fear of judgement, and past experiences are interconnected. If you have one, you have all three, but that is just my opinion. Personally. I have always had a problem with confidence. My other half would greatly disagree, but it is the truth. I was never in the popular crowd, I grew up poor, and I was an introvert. It took at least 23 years to reverse it, but it came with a price. Each one of us has our own demons, we just have to find a way to deal with them so insecurity doesn’t take over.

In the end, there is no easy fix. It take time, hard work, and understanding of the underlying causes of being insecure. There is no cook book why to fix it. Each person knows themselves better than anyone else. Think about your life and why you feel insecure. Then, take constructive action to fix it. Not every day is going to be easy, so confide in someone you can trust. Let them provide feedback, and utilize it to your advantage so you can grow as a person. In regards to relationships, if one is insecure, take the time to listen, and work on it together. Reassurance is an amazing thing. Be thoughtful, compassionate, and understanding, as this will serve you both well, drawing you closer to each other, diminishing the fear if insecurity.

 


My Beautiful Bride

There is nothing more special or emotional to me than my beautiful bride. My fiancé and I have been through hell and back, but we are still together. We have both made mistakes, taken full responsibility for our actions, and we decided it was time to grow up and commit ourselves to each other. When we allowed ourselves to become vulnerable, fully committed, and unguarded, something happened. We started to fall in love with one another, and we never looked back. We are committed to our future together, and we see an amazing future with one another.

 

In a few months, I will be lucky enough to marry my best friend. I have come full circle, embracing family and cherishing every second I have with this incredible woman. I decided to write this article because of an article I read in which an elderly male continued to introduce his wife as his beautiful bride, even after the many years they had been married. I could actually see this man looking at his wife with the same intensity he did the first time he ever saw her. In other words, every day is like the first date in his mind. He falls in love with her over and over again long after the wedding, honeymoon, kids, grand kids, and great grand kids.

 

What I find most fascinating about the process of life is that we are constantly evolving individually and as a couple. Age and kids bring changes in our body and minds. People are all too quick to give up at the first sign of adversity. I have wasted a lot of years of my life no doubt. I know I will always be there for her when she having a bad day or good day, when she is sick or injured, when she needs support, loses a family member, or just needs reassurance that things will be alright.

 

You see, for those of you who do not believe in fairy tales, they do come true. It is all about giving your all every day. Looking year after year at the one person you are committed too and saying thank you for loving me and thank you for making me a better person. No matter what happens in this life or the next, I know my beautiful bride will always love me, and I know I will always be there for her as well. She deserves the best from me, and she will get nothing less than the best.

 

In the end, relationships take effort, so put in the work, reap the rewards, and love each other every minute and never look back.

 


Fireproof

Yesterday showed me just how wrong I have been, when I thought I was actually right about everything. I genuinely thought in my mind I was doing everything, everyday the right way. I am faithful, loyal, committed, passionately in love with my bride, and I always do whatever I can for her in order to take the burden off her shoulders. Boy, was I wrong! Relationships take work, time, and commitment. Until you uncover the root cause of the issues you as an individual are facing, you will continue to have problems. I never thought I was the one who had problems. I just needed her to listen to my concerns. This was the wrong approach to take.

 

We watched Fireproof as a family. If you care at all about your marriage or your relationship, then it is a movie to watch. Moreover, there are online resources to utilize to help you in this journey. It is a very emotional process, and it makes you face tough issues, but is it the best thing out there for truly understanding how to love one another. It is for serious people who genuinely care about their significant other and their relationship. This is something you can do together, so throw your heart and soul into it, and never look back. I will always “study” her, and I will always do what I can every single day to show her how much I love her. The movie showed me that I never knew how to love myself, so how could I love her properly, if I couldn’t understand how to do so?

 

It is about faith and religion, and its application is geared towards whatever higher being you believe in. Additionally, I realized I cannot shoulder everything. I need guidance. While I thought I was doing everything in my power to meet her needs, I was failing in some aspects which were sensitive for us to discuss and probably the most important. Open and honest communication is necessary in any relationship, so put your pride aside, watch, actively listen, and put a plan into action together. This is a lifestyle change, not just a fix. You will see that both of you will reap the rewards by loving and growing with each other more than you ever thought possible.

 

As in all things I do, thank you for honey for loving me, being patient, and for all you do. This is for you and girls.


Make Every Day Count

Each morning is a new opportunity. You can reach for the stars or reach for the couch. Whatever you think will make your day better, by all means do it. There is no right or wrong way to spend your time. Society places a huge amount of emphasis on accomplishing things and getting things done. What are those things? Mowing the yard? Shopping? Making dinner for the family? Going to the gym? The only person who knows if you made the most of the day is you. If you want to take a day off from work and do nothing but watch T.V. and sleep, then do it! If you want to spend time with your husband or wife, then do it! However, I believe those intangible qualities in a human being to be selfless, and share their time with the person they love the most, tend to create the most loving memories for those involved. This is how I make every day count. I love spending time with my beautiful bride to be and the kids. Nothing will ever replace those memories, nor the precious time I get to spend with them.


Growth and Criticism

Life is nothing more than a series of choices, and it is from those choices that we drive our experiences. Good or bad, those choices have a huge impact not only on ourselves, but those around us. The last four months of my life have been incredible. Though personal hardship was a part of the process, it has reshaped me as a person. I finally found myself, and I am focused, proud of who I have become, proud of my accomplishments, proud to be a mentor, and most importantly proud of my personal relationships with family and friends. I truly appreciate the simple things in life and I work to live, not live to work.

 

We each live our lives from different perspectives, and no one will ever understand the decisions you made because they are not you. In an article written by Ryan Nicodemus and Joshua Fields, The Minimalist, titled,  “Fake Outrage: Dealing with Criticism,” they address our reactions to others criticism. They term these people as “keyboard mercenaries” because those who criticize are often the very ones who are reflecting nothing more than their own insecurities because they have been rejected or offended in some way. No one is perfect, and no one is immune from criticism.  Allowing people to offend us is a natural process, but it is one that is not needed. Instead, walk away because it doesn’t matter. When you are doing the right things, people are going to criticize you. Stay motivated, focused, and moving forward.


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