Tag Archives: honor

Turning Point

In each of our lives there is a turning point. It usually comes when we have been slapped in the face by an event so brutal we have to make a change. We have to decide if we are going to move forward, or if we are willing to lose those close to us. It is in these moments we can completely change who we are or we can continue on a path of self destruction and pain.

 

When you decide to change, throw yourself into it. Be the person you always knew you could be. Be honest, loyal, caring, passionate, and loving. Life is about our relationships with those who completely love us with all their hearts. Love them back, and embrace them every chance you get like it will be the last time you will ever see them. When you do not give yourself totally to the process, you not only let yourself down, you let those who gave you a chance down. Moreover, you will never know the relationships full potential.

 

What does a turning point represent? It represents a new beginning, and it is one of the greatest moments in your life because it is your transition from being selfish to being selfless. Priorities change. You no longer worry about your own needs, and you put the needs of your significant other before your own. Things that meant most to you take a back seat to spending time with those you love the most. Your behavior changes drastically because there is nothing you would ever do to cause the other person a once of pain. Instead, you work, tirelessly to show them every day you are the person you now claim to be. Old behaviors do not exist. You have been reborn and someone has given you an opportunity to take their hand and experience life filled with love, joy, and happiness. The ultimate sign of the turning point is asking someone to marry you. You are clearly saying that there is nothing in this world I love or cherish more than you. You are my everything, and you are the sole person on this planet I have chosen to be with.

 

When someone talks to you about getting married, there should be no doubt in your mind this person truly loves you. The honorable thing to do is to be honest about your feelings. Either you really hope they will marry you and you commit your life to them, or be honest and tell them the truth. Nothing is more embarrassing or painful than when someone wants to get married only to find out the other person is still into games like lying, cheating, texting, and meeting other people. Throw yourself into the new you, never look back, and let that person love you like there is no tomorrow.

 

The turning point is about personal growth, and the appreciation of life. It is about appreciating someone who has picked you out of a sea of people in the world to spend the rest of their life with on this planet. Show them everyday you are capable of earning and deserving their love. If you do, I can assure you that the happiest days of your life lay ahead of you.

 

 

James Joyce said, “Love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness: the truth more first than sun, more last than star.”

 

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Forgiveness

In broken relationships and marriages, forgiveness is probably the hardest thing to do when the person you trusted has hurt you. Revenge becomes your immediate goal instead of trying to understand, fix, and heal. When trust is lost, it takes a huge amount of work to get it back, but it is not impossible. It takes work, dedication, and consistency to get through it. However, no matter how hard you work, if the other person cannot forgive you, then you will never move forward.

Why is forgiveness important? To those who believe in the Bible, it states, “to err is human and to forgive is divine.” Forgiveness starts the healing process, and it allows those involved to rebuild their relationship if they choose to do so. Forgiveness does not condone any thing, but it is the initial step to move forward, leaving behind the hate and pain. Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness or vulnerability. It promotes strength and health, and it gets rid of the depression and hatred. The key is once you have been forgiven, you learn from it and change your behavior forever.

After forgiveness has been established, trust has to be restored. Allwomentalk.com provides 9 ways to help rebuild trust. 1. Admit your mistakes. 2. Be humble 3. Have patience 4. Noticeable changes 5. Don’t forget the little things 6. Never, never lie!- I cannot overstate the importance of lying. You cannot move forward if you continue to lie. It causes more hatred, more issues of mistrust, it damages your integrity, it damages your relationship, and you could end up losing the best person who has ever walked into your life. 7. Keep your issues private- There is no need to tell your kids, your friends, family, or anyone else except a relationship professional about what is going on. Many times the people you think you can trust will have alterative motives, and they will try to persuade you to think and act a certain way to meet their own personal agenda. 8. Be thoughtful 9. Do not make the same mistake twice.

Forgiveness is a process, and it is not as easy as cutting the lights on or off. There are a lot of emotions, but if two people are committed to one another, they can get through it TOGETHER. There is another side of forgiveness I would like to mention. There seems to be some confusion that when someone forgives, they are condoning the behavior of the other person. In contrast, what is really happening is the person forgiving no longer is ACTING like the victim. I am not saying they are not the victim per se, but they have decided to not act like one… i.e. revenge, more lying, bringing up the past, depression, or threat of suicide. They have decided to give the person and the relationship an honest chance at rebuilding. In many cases, the forgiveness brings them closer together and makes them stronger. More than anything it provides a wider lens and perspective to past, current, and future events.

In the end, only you can decide if you want to continue to live in misery and despair, or you can forgive, learn from it, and make yourself and the relationship better. To reiterate, forgiveness is not a sign of weakness. Instead, it is a sign of strength, fortitude, and resiliency. Reinhold Niebuhr said it best, “forgiveness is the final form of love.”


Relationships

Relationships have many faces. They can be fun, exciting, kind, loving, and passionate, but they can also be destructive. Lying, cheating, back stabbing, and no emotional, psychological, or physical support, can lead a relationship down a path of destruction. So when do you let go? When do you finally say, I can no longer do this because I deserve better.

 

As you know, a couple of months ago I found myself at a crossroad in my life. I could continue on the course I was on, or I could turn the corner and be all I knew I could be as a man. It was time to grow up, always do the right thing, live my life by the values my parents brought me up on, and be proud of who I am. Relationships are the same way. Give all you can each and every day. Love with all your heart, and never take the other person for granted. ALWAYS be honest no matter the pain it will cause, because lying in any form builds distrust, and it causes far more pain than just being honest. A relationship will not work if only one of you is being honest. It will not work if you are not forgiving each other for past mistakes, and it will not work if you cannot commit and understand each others needs.

 

Never leave a relationship because of another person. You decided to enter a relationship with this person for some reason. Your time is valuable and so is theirs, so make every minute worth both of your time. In the end, if it fails, you both gave it all you could, and you tried with all your heart to make it work. However, do not give up when times get tough. Nothing worth having is easy. There will be times you will not agree. Open and honest communication is the key to finding resolution in any situation and / or conflict.

 

If the person you are with is not meeting your needs, move on. Sometimes they make the decision for you based on their behavior. What I have found is that I am a fighter. We all make mistakes, but the problem arises when you do not correct the self destructive behavior. It is disrespectful to the other person in the relationship who is giving you all they have in everyway possible, yet you are unwilling to hold up your part. What makes it worse is when they look you in the eyes, and they say they understand, and yet they continue to lie. It is cowardly and unacceptable behavior. If you want to be a good person, then be one. If you want to truly change, then change. If you want someone to love you with every fiber of their being, then reciprocate that love in a manner fitting to deserve that same kind of love in return.

 

In the end, relationships only work when you both are willing to give 100 percent, 100 percent of the time. There are no breaks, no down time, and no, I just don’t feel like it today. They take work and commitment every single day. Both of you deserve reassurance from time to time, especially when you are having a tough day. The strongest relationships last because no matter the setting or the circumstance, the other person is all that matters. The selflessness of completely giving all of your self to someone, and showing them your vulnerability, is priceless. No matter who is around you or who is in a room, there is nothing more beautiful or handsome than your significant other. You find yourself falling in love with them all over again. When you ache to be with that person, no matter the circumstance, you will know without a doubt that is the person for you. This is especially true as the newness goes away, and the weeks become years. Relationships are an incredible thing, enjoy the journey and the process, just be respectful, open, and honest about your feelings.


Conundrum

I recently found myself in a conundrum. I love to give advice, solve problems, and listen, but I have had to look at myself and take my own advice. While I have the unique ability to see things other people cannot while providing a road map to make them better, I had to follow my own advice, which is sometimes the hardest thing to do. We each seek to be better than the day before, but we do not always know which path to take.

 

For years I have always felt like a failure in my own life. Not because I have not accomplished a lot, but because I have always felt like I was missing something. I could never put my finger on it, and I looked to blame others for the way I felt. In reality, it was on my shoulders, it was my burden to carry. I needed to change the path I was on. Now, my conscious is free, but there was a lot of damage left behind. I live life to the fullest, trying to make each day better than the day before. Some days are rough, we all have those days where we wish we could rewind the hands of time, but I am trying to take a step back, think about what is going on, and base my decisions on reason and sensibility, rather than emotion. Do not get me wrong, I was never an evil person, I just made some bad choices in my relationships. I always knew the right thing to do, I just didn’t do it.

 

I found myself reading an article by Joshua Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus, who are known as, the minimalist, titled, “Your Own Advice is the Hardest Pill to Swallow.” They believe it is easy for anyone to take advice because most people do not want to take a hard look in the mirror and ask themselves the hard questions, knowing they already know the answers. Instead, it is easier to ask someone else. However, you know you better than anyone. It is easier not to think, and let others tell us what to do. It is an interesting perspective I believe, but some times we just don’t know what to do. Some people lack the instinctive ability to grasp the seriousness of a situation and act on it. This is when a professional or a friend can help. They might see something you do not, and they might provide an unconventional solution no one else has thought about.

 

Everything I have written in the blog, I believe in to my core. I believe and standby the words of every article, and I hope they have encouraged people to think more about who they are and the selflessness of life. Lying in any form is not acceptable. Not living your life in an honorable manner is not acceptable. Not keeping your word is not acceptable. Not having integrity is not acceptable. What is acceptable is being true to you, always improving, building relationships that are most important, learning something new, loving with all your heart, treating people with respect, and being there in times of need.

 

So what does all this mean? When you reach a point where you are struggling, take a good hard look in the mirror and look at the kind of person you are being. Most of the time you know what to do, you just need someone to confirm those thoughts or feelings. Be honest with yourself, then, take action to be who you want to be. Anyone can be average, seek to be above average. Robert Frost wrote, “I shall be telling this with a sigh, Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverge in a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”


Overcoming Fears

Great article… thought I would republish it again. 

Fear is a strong adversary for most people because it makes us confront our biggest demons. Some examples include: performance issues, bad relationships, fear of animals, drowning, death, or the unknown. Fear keeps us on our toes, our head on a swivel, and forces us to do things that are other wise uncomfortable. In contrast, it is a heavy burden. Our fears can have catastrophic consequences in our lives if we let it. It can play mind games, it can paint false imagines in our minds, it can be controlling, it can ruin the best of relationships, and it can drive you insane if you let it. Some people call it a mind-killer.

 

Fear is defined as: “a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid”

~online dictionary

The psychology dictionary goes on to say there is no real external reason to be fearful because everything is in anticipation of a future menace we may or may not face.

 

Fear is very real though because it occurs when the brain releases high levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, activating the sympathetic nervous system, other wise known as the, “fight or flight” system in our body.  Unfortunately, fear can lead to psychological trauma if not controlled. There is a lot more to this involving a multi step process with different parts of the brain, but it will not be covered in this post.

 

How can we overcome fears? Research has concluded there are four steps a person can take to confront fears.

 

  1. There must be some form of goal setting. This helps provide structure to chaos. From the fear of public speaking, to the fear of a fire fight, goal setting provides understanding for what is about to take place. What do you want to accomplish and why?
  2. Utilize visualization or what some people call a mental rehearsal. This makes those fears more realistic, so it is not the first time you have seen or dealt with the problem. Professional athletes use these techniques to perform better because they can actually see themselves performing to the highest level possible before game time.
  3. Be positive because it will help override the fear, and self talk provides focus. When your thoughts are positive, your mind is positive. The people around you feel that positivity, and they want to be apart of it. While fear has the potential to prevent you from accomplishing your dreams, positivity helps accomplish them. It provides a form of motivation.
  4. Slow down your breathing, especially during exhalation because this is when we have arousal control. Even when things are going to pieces all around you, take a step back, breathe, and get back into the fight. When you breathe heavily you create low levels of carbon dioxide in the blood. In other words, you have too much oxygen. This creates problems such as dizziness, confusion, and less than optimal focus. All of these relate back to our ability to see things clearly.

 

In conclusion, think about the first time you tried something new, and you weren’t sure what to expect. The fear of the unknown in life or in combat can cause you to make poor decisions because it is the first time you have had to deal with the situation. The military has a saying, “slow is smooth, smooth is fast, fast is deadly.” In our rush to confront things due to fear and anxiety, we make poor decisions. Some of these can lead to hurting others, hurting ourselves by not taking the time to think about things, or running through a variety of possible scenarios to help us be better prepared if something should take place. Slow down, take your time, practice these control and overcoming fear techniques; it might just save you and those around you some unneeded pain.

 

 


Admitting when you are wrong

I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I have hurt a lot of people. There is no excuse for it, and I take full responsibility for it. In 44 years of my life, I have been blaming others for my inadequacies; I have blamed others for not reaching my goals, and not doing the right thing. I am not a law breaker, I don’t do drugs, and I very rarely drink if any. My life compared to most is pretty boring you might say. I have never owned a house, and I have lived outside of my means, living pay check to pay check, with nothing more to show than debt. I have always felt like a failure, but what I have managed to see is that it is my own fault. I have no one else to blame. The decisions I have made were my own. More than anything, I had to forgive my self, which is a hard burden to shoulder.

 

Now, I have focus, now I have a support system that encourages me. I am a better man, and every person that comes into my life serves a purpose, to make me a better person. In other words, I have goals, plans, and dreams. I have things I want to accomplish. It is about the process, and it is about learning what to do and what not to do. At the end of the day, it is about being better than the day before. I will never take advantage of anyone, I will never intentionally hurt anyone, and I will do my best each day to live life to the fullest.

 

I am not looking for anything from anyone, I am just saying regardless of who you are we all make mistakes. I have tried all my life to do it all alone, and I can no longer do it. I am doing things the right way, trying my best to live by the words I write. In the next few months you will start to learn more about me, my life, the people in it, and how we all can relate to one another. There will be some really good things to come out of this transition, and I hope you will be apart of this journey.


Interpersonal Conflict

There are times in life when we question our purpose on this planet. Some choose to accept the path they are on and other choose to change it. Right or wrong we are the only ones that control our own destiny. The constant internal struggle is a tough thing to break through. It is our culture, history, background, and personal experiences that help navigate us through life. It is an interesting thing to sit and think about. Every person on this earth sees things from a different perspective. It is that perspective that provides a lens or the clarity to move forward.

 

We all have made mistakes, we have all disappoint people close to us, we have all faced adversity, and we have had to dig deep within ourselves, and put one foot in front of the other and push through the day. Some days it may be hour by hour, minute by minute, or even second by second but you push through it.

 

Many of us are content with the lives we are living because it feels comfortable. I am just as guilty as anyone. At some point we have to make ourselves better, we have to decide what we are going to do with the life we have been given. What are the priorities of your life? What will make you happiest? Then, you surround your self with the support system you need to get it done. Not everyone will agree with you, it is ok because it is your life, and you are the only one that can live it.

 

If there is something in your life you are questioning, I hope you will think about these words from an unknown Navy SEAL Instructor:

 

A man can only give up in two ways: he gives up or he dies.  As long as you have single pulse or a single breath in your body, do not quit. To quit means to give up, to give up on your dreams, to give on your family, to give up on yourself, to give up on your goals, and to give up on your team. It means you have decided to surrender to everything in life you have ever wanted to be.

 

The thing that helps define you is not your clothes, your home, your money, or the items you own, it is the person that shows up when life gets hard, when you are tired, and when everything looks like it is going against you. How you show up when everyone needs you the most is what life is all about, and it will define the kind of person you really are in life.

 

In conclusion, the interpersonal conflict we struggle with is something we all deal with everyday, but we have to look past our own selfishness and become selfless. In no way am I saying your dreams, goals, and aspirations should come second or third, but I am saying those things will not define you as a person. When others speak of your accomplishments and who you are as an individual, they will remember how you showed up for those around you.

 


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