Tag Archives: failure

Marriage

I have been on sabbatical for some time now, and I thought this would be a great way to get back into things. 2018 will be a year when I am more consistent in my writing on the blog, and I will share some of my experiences while incorporating real world issues involving conflict. Since conflict is in everything we do, this coming year will bring a wide variety of topics.

That being said…. since my last post, I got married. This is my second marriage, but we went all out, as she deserved nothing less than the best. It was a perfect day in December. We even hoped it would snow when we were planning the wedding, and sure enough, it poured Friday and Saturday. Midafternoon Saturday, the skies opened, and it was blue skies the rest of the day. It was a perfect storm of Christmas, chaos, and wedding vows. Chaos? Why chaos, it is a wedding?! Well, the photographer cancelled, the Reverend cancelled rehearsal, then wanted a room the next night, and the DJ wanted to cancel as well, all due to weather. It all fell into place. The celebration lasted for hours. Dancing, drinking, laughing, and celebrating. In the end, our friends took pictures, we have well over 700, and I married my best friend.

The ceremony was beautiful. I have never seen a woman as beautiful as she was when she came down the aisle. She melted my heart. Just when I didn’t think she could ever be more perfect, I was wrong. Standing in front of her, with family and friends watching, I couldn’t help but keep telling her just how hot she looked. Christmas tree directly in front of us, while everyone sat in a semi-circle behind us, with snow in the background on the ground and mountain tops. I was in heaven. We couldn’t have planned a better day.

I chose this topic because I was thinking about my vows. I am finally doing things in my life the right way, every day. I always strive to be better than the day before, and there is one thing I will never do, and that is fail her. She loved me enough to marry me. With that comes a huge responsibility. There are on average 800,000 divorces a year. That is astonishing. We talked about the wedding and what it meant to each of us. During our talk, I made it a point to tell her, I will not fail her or the kids. It is something I take very seriously. People are so eager to give up, and they do not fight for the things that are worth fighting for in life. They forget why they fell in love in the first place. Stef taught me the meaning of family, and the meaning of being devoted to one another for the rest of our lives. We are better together.

People can change for the greater good, as I am living proof of it. She is the single most important person in my life. I live for her, not for myself.

I now live with three women, and I deal constantly with the pre-teen drama that unfolds at the adult age of 11 and 12 years old. Yes, I said adult, because they are 11 and 12 going on 21! They know everything about everything. I must admit I love them very much, and they have shown me how to be patient, to think outside the box, be quick on my feet in my response, while trying not to laugh at the most inappropriate time. I look forward to watching them grow up and become young adults. They have softened and won the heart of this man, though I would not tell them for fear of repercussion.

In the end, marriage is great thing. I will make it my life’s work to study her, grow with her, and learn about her as we grow older. Hopefully, we will have an addition to our family soon. A classmate of mine gave me three pieces of advice for a long lasting marriage:

1.     She is always right

2.     She is always right

3.     Even when you think you are right, she is always right

 Wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Be safe.

 

 

 

 

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Controlling Relationships more thoughts..

Stef gave me some good feedback and I want to add to it. I always asked who, what, when, where, why, and how. I didn’t realize it was breaking her down emotionally and making her a miserable person. I never knew saying don’t do this or that was so bad. Most concerns are not really concerns because they are our own insecurities. 

I love her very much, and my actions reflect those changes I promised her. She is seeing a man on a mission everyday. I am finally her rock. She can count on me to love her the right way and take care of her and the family emotionally and financially. Thank you my love.


Expecting Something In Return

This is an interesting article about family dynamics. Sometimes we get caught up in life and forget family is a team dynamic. You and your spouse are in a partnership. Things get done because they need to get done. Some people expect a “thank you” for their hard work around at home. In reality, it is your obligation to your spouse and family to get things done. However, a simple kind word makes you feel good, and it goes a long way. It makes you want to work harder for your spouse. I always work hard, but when she tells me how thankful she is of the things I do, it makes me feel appreciated. I know she feels the same way when the roles are reversed. However, I agree with the authors reasoning in the article to some degree. I like what he has to say about it being your job to get things done at home because you live there, but I think leading by example and teaching manners makes common sense as well. Think about it, and spark a discussion with your significant other.

https://ladiespassiton.com/2017/06/12/i-do-not-help-my-wife/


Mother’s Day Tribute

Tomorrow is a one of the most special days of the year, Mother’s Day. I would like to pay tribute to my mom and my better half.

 

Mom

I want to take this time to tell you how thankful I am you are my mother. You are an inspiration to me. I have always said if I could be a ¼ of the parent you have been to me, I would be a success. You worked three jobs to put me through school, you sacrificed more than any parent should have too, and you have been supportive my entire life.

You ask for nothing, expect nothing, and I often wonder why. As I have grown older what I have realized is what you have done the last 45 years wasn’t easy at all. While I have accomplished a lot of things in my life to make you proud of me, my greatest accomplishment didn’t occur until 10 plus months ago when I transformed from a boy to a man. Many people may laugh at that statement, but I never took responsibility or accountability for my actions outside of doing my job. I was selfish, and I didn’t appreciate the things in my life. YOU always stood firm in your beliefs, and you gave me words of encouragement when I was down. Though you may have judged me, you never let me know it. Instead, you helped me grow at my own pace, even though it took half a life time.

On this Mother’s Day I want you to know I love you. Thank you so much for all you have done for me my entire life. Thank you for the hard work and patience you have shown me. I know I am difficult, but I want you to know you are the best mom in the world. This day is for you and about you. I hope I have made you proud of me, and I hope you have the Happiest Mother’s Day to date.

 

My Beautiful Bride

Wow! You have shown me so much. This day is all about you. You continue to amaze me every day. I have grown to enjoy life because of the things you have shown me. I am so proud of you and the things you have accomplished in life. You are without a doubt the best woman this world has ever seen.

You are a survivalist in many aspects. From rich to poor and everything in between, you have made and continue to make sacrifices for the family. Your love and affection for us and life is something I could never put into words. I am the luckiest man in the world, and I never take one second, or one minute of my life with you for granted. Thank you for loving me, thank you for believing in me, thank you for your encouragement, thank you for your patience when I had none, but most importantly, thank you for all the sacrifices you have made and for showing me what life has to offer. You have shown me life is about family, and I will spend the rest of this life and the next showing you how much I love you. I will always take care of you and the kids.

You have raised the kids the best possible way you know how. I know at times you have doubts, put them aside, you are a great mother. You have went without food so they could eat, you have bought them clothes, while you get yourself nothing, and you have juggled bills, so they could have more. Sacrifice is what it’s all about. You are a shining example for other mothers around the globe. You set the standard and raise the bar. You love and cherish every ball game and car ride to school, and you make sure they are well fed and taken care of every day. It is not about money. Instead, it is about love and devotion. They will remember that longer than any vacation or shining new toy.

On this Mother’s Day… know this, I love you and everything about you. I will spend the rest of my life learning more about you and falling in love with you again and again. Take this day and relax, do nothing, and know that all your sacrifices were worth it. I love you.

In the end, Mother’s Day is a day for mothers. However, their tireless efforts continue every single day, sick or injured, they are ready for battle. No one messes with a mom because they are a bad-ass. No weapon, animal, or human will ever come between a mother and their children. Thank you for all you do every day moms, and thank you for holding your heads high, pushing forward, and proving to all of us, women are much more powerful then men will ever be. God Bless.

 

 


Fireproof

Yesterday showed me just how wrong I have been, when I thought I was actually right about everything. I genuinely thought in my mind I was doing everything, everyday the right way. I am faithful, loyal, committed, passionately in love with my bride, and I always do whatever I can for her in order to take the burden off her shoulders. Boy, was I wrong! Relationships take work, time, and commitment. Until you uncover the root cause of the issues you as an individual are facing, you will continue to have problems. I never thought I was the one who had problems. I just needed her to listen to my concerns. This was the wrong approach to take.

 

We watched Fireproof as a family. If you care at all about your marriage or your relationship, then it is a movie to watch. Moreover, there are online resources to utilize to help you in this journey. It is a very emotional process, and it makes you face tough issues, but is it the best thing out there for truly understanding how to love one another. It is for serious people who genuinely care about their significant other and their relationship. This is something you can do together, so throw your heart and soul into it, and never look back. I will always “study” her, and I will always do what I can every single day to show her how much I love her. The movie showed me that I never knew how to love myself, so how could I love her properly, if I couldn’t understand how to do so?

 

It is about faith and religion, and its application is geared towards whatever higher being you believe in. Additionally, I realized I cannot shoulder everything. I need guidance. While I thought I was doing everything in my power to meet her needs, I was failing in some aspects which were sensitive for us to discuss and probably the most important. Open and honest communication is necessary in any relationship, so put your pride aside, watch, actively listen, and put a plan into action together. This is a lifestyle change, not just a fix. You will see that both of you will reap the rewards by loving and growing with each other more than you ever thought possible.

 

As in all things I do, thank you for honey for loving me, being patient, and for all you do. This is for you and girls.


New Year and a Fresh Start

Many people look at the beginning of the year as a catalyst to start over. It is an opportunity to accomplish things that were not done the year before. Many people want to get into better shape, eat better, become financially sound, accomplish certain resolutions, or just be a better person. Whatever your reason, do not let anyone deter you from accomplishing your goals. You are older, wiser, and savvier than the year before. Try looking at things from a different perspective, love with all your heart, and live life to the fullest with people who love you the most. The past is just that, the past, and it is the past for a reason. Learn from your mistakes, correct the worse things about yourself, and be proactive instead of reactive. Constantly putting stuff off accomplishes nothing, so have the discipline and vision to get things done. Constantly hold yourself accountable, admit when you are wrong, and work on your communication skills. Exercise, eat right, find emotional stability within yourself, and feed your brain with knowledge. Do not let failure get in your way. Instead, embrace it. Push forward over any speed bumps, and surround yourself with people you trust and who will encourage you. Negativity is the root of failure. Constantly strive to distance yourself from those things that will prevent you from accomplishing your goals. In the end, each second wasted is a second of your life you will never get back again.


Failure

No one knows what life will bring them, but when times get tough, we can give up or we can keep pushing forward. Most of us have been programmed by society that failure is not an option, or that anyone who fails is a failure. Instead, there is some good in failure. It is only when we stop learning and trying is failure problematic.

 

Chris Hardwick explains why failure is an important part of who we are, “No human ever became interesting by not failing. The more you fail and recover and improve, the better you are as a person. Ever meet someone who’s always had everything work out for them with zero struggle? They usually have the depth of a puddle. Or they don’t exist.”

 

There seems to be some confusion when people say failure is not an option. While I totally agree with the statement, it is meant more along the lines of settling with failure. I will never settle and neither should you. Always strive to be a better you. There will always be people who enjoy seeing you fail. It makes me smile because it means I am doing something right. No one is perfect, and we all have failed at something. It is an important process we must all endure. However, these failures make you stronger, and it gives you clarity and razor sharp vision. Dust off, and keep going because you will recover, and you will inspire others.


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