Tag Archives: commitment

The Simple Things

Stef sent me a picture tonight after she got her hair done. It was one of the most loving and beautiful pictures yet. I fell in love with her all over again. It is the simple things in life we seem to forget to appreciate. A touch on the shoulder, holding hands in the car, the way she gets undressed, the way she brushes her teeth, eats her food, her walk, when she drops gas bombs in the bed, or holding hands after feeding the animals to name a few. 

Dale Partridge believes men need to be men, not boys, step up and love your wives and always fall back in love with them every day. Let them know you adore them. 

In the end, simple really is not simple. They are the most complex, speechless,  and humbling things we encounter. Suck them up, breathe, and adore them. 

To the love of my life. Thank you for being the most strong and courageous woman I have ever known. Thank you for loving me. I will always take care of your heart. As always, I love you….


Controlling Relationships more thoughts..

Stef gave me some good feedback and I want to add to it. I always asked who, what, when, where, why, and how. I didn’t realize it was breaking her down emotionally and making her a miserable person. I never knew saying don’t do this or that was so bad. Most concerns are not really concerns because they are our own insecurities. 

I love her very much, and my actions reflect those changes I promised her. She is seeing a man on a mission everyday. I am finally her rock. She can count on me to love her the right way and take care of her and the family emotionally and financially. Thank you my love.


Controlling Relationships

This is a special article because it will be broken down into two parts. Part I will include my persepective, my mistakes, my regrets, and my conviction to correct my old problem for the rest of my life. Part II will include my other halfs perspective from her own words. We hope the reader can a better understanding the importance to openly communicate to one another so this does not happen. Relationships are worth fighting for especially when you genueinly love each other.

I honestly did not realize the damage I was doing until I got slapped in the face with the consequences of my actions. I thought I was protecting myself from being hurt when actually I was hurting us. Instead of bringing us closer together I was pushing her away. I thought she understood that I was trying to protect my family, trying to protect her, trying to do the right things as a man, father, and husband. I always take responsibility for my actions….. boy was I so incredibly wrong about doing things right. There is no doubt about how much I love my wife or kids, nor a shadow of doubt to my level of commitment to her and our family. I have never loved or appreciated anything so much. I often tell her how much the best place in the world is when I am holding her, and looking into her eyes. 

Guys listen up, step up and be a real man. Do not make the mistakes I did. You have to trust her. I always have but I wasn’t showing it because I was always getting upset about stupid stuff. She would stay over to talk to a female friend, my mind said it was a male. She wanted to work extra to pay a bill, my mind, she doesn’t want to spend time with me, and there is no way I want her to work her full time job extra. The proper thing to do is say hey honey I understand let’s figure it out together. Do not ever say you can’t or don’t!!!! Don’t do this or that, don’t wear this or that. Instead, express and voice your concerns. She and I are the worse about crap getting in our heads. However, we need each other but not in a demeaning way. We just love each other that much. Any concerns you may have do not say them over text!!!!!!! OMG!!! Text comes across the wrong way when you do not need them too every single time!!! Another example..Don’t go here or there. Instead, explain your concerns and move on. Things have to get done, and you cannot win every battle. I believe in transparency, but it goes far beyond this when you say you can’t or don’t. Asking not to do something is totally different, just make sure you have a good reason and not because of some crap in your head.

How did I feel? Like a total failure. I am sorry. However, this time my actions reflect my words. I have always been sincere in my apologies, but now that I truly understand finally, my actions will show it. My insecurities did this. I had no reason to be insecure. I am smart, educated, handsome (yes her words!!! Lol), and loving. She is my best friend and she loves me!!!! Why in the hell was I ever insecure?!!! Because I was an idiot. She loves me with all her heart, she trusts me, and she believes in me. 

We have financial issues like anyone else. However, we created debt together. We were strapped. Always be honest with your money issues. Pull your weight and work together because you are a partnership. Moving forward, I am doing all I can to reduce the income problems we have had. I will not be a supporter, I will be a provider.

What is my biggest regret? Hurting the only person in my life that I have ever truly loved. I never knew how not to be controlling. I never knew I wasn’t listening and it almost cost me everything. When you get hit with reality that your ass is losing everything and you have no control, you make life altering changes very quickly. You suck up your pride, step up, and be the man she knew was inside you, and you love her the way she has always wanted you too. I will never be that guy again.
My conviction and my only purpose is to do what we need for our family. I will love her the right way, I will get rid of our debt, and I will step up and be the man of the house. When I put articles out here it’s not just empty words. It is about accountability. It is our there for the world to see. There is no failure. I made her a few promises I will keep. First, changed behavior. I will lead by my actions. Second, I will always be a loving and supportive husband and father. Third, 1/2 to 3/4 of our credit card debt will be gone, and she will not have to work full time after the beginning of the year. I know, big promises. Well, guess what? I am keeping them all. 

In the end of Part I…. love your spouse do not be controlling. To easy! Stef will provide her perspective this week, and she will not hold back! I actually love that about her. 

Always fight for your family, but do it in way that is loving and enduring. It has made us better, brought us closer than ever before, and we appreciate things about each other so much more. I hate it happened, but if it makes my life with her better then I will go through hell and back. She deserves the best from me, and she has it because she showed me how not to be controlling just as I showed her how to love. It is a partnership.

 I love you more than anything on this earth. I trust you and I believe in you. I am your biggest fan and supporter. You gave me life when I had no air, you gave me hope when I lost hope in this world, and you love me and see good and greatness in me when I was too blind too. I will forever be changed for you, I will always put your needs before my own insecurities, and I will always love you the way you need me too. You are the greatest woman in the world. Your body drips with beauty, and I am the luckiest man in the world. I love you. As every minute passes when you are not in my arms I ache without you. I am so thankful and in love with you… thank you for making me a better man, father, and husband. 


Fireproof

Yesterday showed me just how wrong I have been, when I thought I was actually right about everything. I genuinely thought in my mind I was doing everything, everyday the right way. I am faithful, loyal, committed, passionately in love with my bride, and I always do whatever I can for her in order to take the burden off her shoulders. Boy, was I wrong! Relationships take work, time, and commitment. Until you uncover the root cause of the issues you as an individual are facing, you will continue to have problems. I never thought I was the one who had problems. I just needed her to listen to my concerns. This was the wrong approach to take.

 

We watched Fireproof as a family. If you care at all about your marriage or your relationship, then it is a movie to watch. Moreover, there are online resources to utilize to help you in this journey. It is a very emotional process, and it makes you face tough issues, but is it the best thing out there for truly understanding how to love one another. It is for serious people who genuinely care about their significant other and their relationship. This is something you can do together, so throw your heart and soul into it, and never look back. I will always “study” her, and I will always do what I can every single day to show her how much I love her. The movie showed me that I never knew how to love myself, so how could I love her properly, if I couldn’t understand how to do so?

 

It is about faith and religion, and its application is geared towards whatever higher being you believe in. Additionally, I realized I cannot shoulder everything. I need guidance. While I thought I was doing everything in my power to meet her needs, I was failing in some aspects which were sensitive for us to discuss and probably the most important. Open and honest communication is necessary in any relationship, so put your pride aside, watch, actively listen, and put a plan into action together. This is a lifestyle change, not just a fix. You will see that both of you will reap the rewards by loving and growing with each other more than you ever thought possible.

 

As in all things I do, thank you for honey for loving me, being patient, and for all you do. This is for you and girls.


Turning Point

In each of our lives there is a turning point. It usually comes when we have been slapped in the face by an event so brutal we have to make a change. We have to decide if we are going to move forward, or if we are willing to lose those close to us. It is in these moments we can completely change who we are or we can continue on a path of self destruction and pain.

 

When you decide to change, throw yourself into it. Be the person you always knew you could be. Be honest, loyal, caring, passionate, and loving. Life is about our relationships with those who completely love us with all their hearts. Love them back, and embrace them every chance you get like it will be the last time you will ever see them. When you do not give yourself totally to the process, you not only let yourself down, you let those who gave you a chance down. Moreover, you will never know the relationships full potential.

 

What does a turning point represent? It represents a new beginning, and it is one of the greatest moments in your life because it is your transition from being selfish to being selfless. Priorities change. You no longer worry about your own needs, and you put the needs of your significant other before your own. Things that meant most to you take a back seat to spending time with those you love the most. Your behavior changes drastically because there is nothing you would ever do to cause the other person a once of pain. Instead, you work, tirelessly to show them every day you are the person you now claim to be. Old behaviors do not exist. You have been reborn and someone has given you an opportunity to take their hand and experience life filled with love, joy, and happiness. The ultimate sign of the turning point is asking someone to marry you. You are clearly saying that there is nothing in this world I love or cherish more than you. You are my everything, and you are the sole person on this planet I have chosen to be with.

 

When someone talks to you about getting married, there should be no doubt in your mind this person truly loves you. The honorable thing to do is to be honest about your feelings. Either you really hope they will marry you and you commit your life to them, or be honest and tell them the truth. Nothing is more embarrassing or painful than when someone wants to get married only to find out the other person is still into games like lying, cheating, texting, and meeting other people. Throw yourself into the new you, never look back, and let that person love you like there is no tomorrow.

 

The turning point is about personal growth, and the appreciation of life. It is about appreciating someone who has picked you out of a sea of people in the world to spend the rest of their life with on this planet. Show them everyday you are capable of earning and deserving their love. If you do, I can assure you that the happiest days of your life lay ahead of you.

 

 

James Joyce said, “Love is the voice under all silences, the hope which has no opposite in fear; the strength so strong mere force is feebleness: the truth more first than sun, more last than star.”

 


Forgiveness

In broken relationships and marriages, forgiveness is probably the hardest thing to do when the person you trusted has hurt you. Revenge becomes your immediate goal instead of trying to understand, fix, and heal. When trust is lost, it takes a huge amount of work to get it back, but it is not impossible. It takes work, dedication, and consistency to get through it. However, no matter how hard you work, if the other person cannot forgive you, then you will never move forward.

Why is forgiveness important? To those who believe in the Bible, it states, “to err is human and to forgive is divine.” Forgiveness starts the healing process, and it allows those involved to rebuild their relationship if they choose to do so. Forgiveness does not condone any thing, but it is the initial step to move forward, leaving behind the hate and pain. Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness or vulnerability. It promotes strength and health, and it gets rid of the depression and hatred. The key is once you have been forgiven, you learn from it and change your behavior forever.

After forgiveness has been established, trust has to be restored. Allwomentalk.com provides 9 ways to help rebuild trust. 1. Admit your mistakes. 2. Be humble 3. Have patience 4. Noticeable changes 5. Don’t forget the little things 6. Never, never lie!- I cannot overstate the importance of lying. You cannot move forward if you continue to lie. It causes more hatred, more issues of mistrust, it damages your integrity, it damages your relationship, and you could end up losing the best person who has ever walked into your life. 7. Keep your issues private- There is no need to tell your kids, your friends, family, or anyone else except a relationship professional about what is going on. Many times the people you think you can trust will have alterative motives, and they will try to persuade you to think and act a certain way to meet their own personal agenda. 8. Be thoughtful 9. Do not make the same mistake twice.

Forgiveness is a process, and it is not as easy as cutting the lights on or off. There are a lot of emotions, but if two people are committed to one another, they can get through it TOGETHER. There is another side of forgiveness I would like to mention. There seems to be some confusion that when someone forgives, they are condoning the behavior of the other person. In contrast, what is really happening is the person forgiving no longer is ACTING like the victim. I am not saying they are not the victim per se, but they have decided to not act like one… i.e. revenge, more lying, bringing up the past, depression, or threat of suicide. They have decided to give the person and the relationship an honest chance at rebuilding. In many cases, the forgiveness brings them closer together and makes them stronger. More than anything it provides a wider lens and perspective to past, current, and future events.

In the end, only you can decide if you want to continue to live in misery and despair, or you can forgive, learn from it, and make yourself and the relationship better. To reiterate, forgiveness is not a sign of weakness. Instead, it is a sign of strength, fortitude, and resiliency. Reinhold Niebuhr said it best, “forgiveness is the final form of love.”


Conundrum

I recently found myself in a conundrum. I love to give advice, solve problems, and listen, but I have had to look at myself and take my own advice. While I have the unique ability to see things other people cannot while providing a road map to make them better, I had to follow my own advice, which is sometimes the hardest thing to do. We each seek to be better than the day before, but we do not always know which path to take.

 

For years I have always felt like a failure in my own life. Not because I have not accomplished a lot, but because I have always felt like I was missing something. I could never put my finger on it, and I looked to blame others for the way I felt. In reality, it was on my shoulders, it was my burden to carry. I needed to change the path I was on. Now, my conscious is free, but there was a lot of damage left behind. I live life to the fullest, trying to make each day better than the day before. Some days are rough, we all have those days where we wish we could rewind the hands of time, but I am trying to take a step back, think about what is going on, and base my decisions on reason and sensibility, rather than emotion. Do not get me wrong, I was never an evil person, I just made some bad choices in my relationships. I always knew the right thing to do, I just didn’t do it.

 

I found myself reading an article by Joshua Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus, who are known as, the minimalist, titled, “Your Own Advice is the Hardest Pill to Swallow.” They believe it is easy for anyone to take advice because most people do not want to take a hard look in the mirror and ask themselves the hard questions, knowing they already know the answers. Instead, it is easier to ask someone else. However, you know you better than anyone. It is easier not to think, and let others tell us what to do. It is an interesting perspective I believe, but some times we just don’t know what to do. Some people lack the instinctive ability to grasp the seriousness of a situation and act on it. This is when a professional or a friend can help. They might see something you do not, and they might provide an unconventional solution no one else has thought about.

 

Everything I have written in the blog, I believe in to my core. I believe and standby the words of every article, and I hope they have encouraged people to think more about who they are and the selflessness of life. Lying in any form is not acceptable. Not living your life in an honorable manner is not acceptable. Not keeping your word is not acceptable. Not having integrity is not acceptable. What is acceptable is being true to you, always improving, building relationships that are most important, learning something new, loving with all your heart, treating people with respect, and being there in times of need.

 

So what does all this mean? When you reach a point where you are struggling, take a good hard look in the mirror and look at the kind of person you are being. Most of the time you know what to do, you just need someone to confirm those thoughts or feelings. Be honest with yourself, then, take action to be who you want to be. Anyone can be average, seek to be above average. Robert Frost wrote, “I shall be telling this with a sigh, Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverge in a wood, and I- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”


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