This is an interesting article about family dynamics. Sometimes we get caught up in life and forget family is a team dynamic. You and your spouse are in a partnership. Things get done because they need to get done. Some people expect a “thank you” for their hard work around at home. In reality, it is your obligation to your spouse and family to get things done. However, a simple kind word makes you feel good, and it goes a long way. It makes you want to work harder for your spouse. I always work hard, but when she tells me how thankful she is of the things I do, it makes me feel appreciated. I know she feels the same way when the roles are reversed. However, I agree with the authors reasoning in the article to some degree. I like what he has to say about it being your job to get things done at home because you live there, but I think leading by example and teaching manners makes common sense as well. Think about it, and spark a discussion with your significant other.
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My last post was about why men should love and appreciate their other half. Today’s post is why woman should love and appreciate a good man with all their heart. Of course this is only from my perspective, but if I can paint that picture for you, then maybe you will see things from the lens of your man. I would also suggest you look at Dale Partridge posts about relationships. They will bring you closer and make you stronger. Conflict is in every aspect of life, so we have to learn to communicate in manner that is respectful and tolerant, even when we get upset. As always… to Stef.
Who am I?
-the man you deserve and waited your whole life to meet
-the man you have dreamed of marrying
-the man who will always treat you with respect
-the man who will always honor you
-the man who spoils you
-the man who knows your weaknesses and never takes advantage of them
-the man who knows your strengths and uses them to your advantage
-the man who will always wake up every single day and fall in love with you again
-the man that will always appreciate you
-the man who will always love you
-the man who will be good to you
-the man who will always push himself to be better than the day before for you
-the man who will not accept failure because failing you is not an option
-the man who will grow old with you and take care of you in this life and the next
-the man who cannot believe every day when he wakes up how lucky he is you are in his life
-the man who treats your heart like delicate rose pedals, providing nourishment, being very careful to never cause you harm
-the man who appreciates every hug, kiss, and word from your lips
-the man who can close his eyes, reach out and draw your face and every inch of your body
-the man who knows has something very special
-the man who will spend the rest of his life proving to you that his love will never falter
-and the man who looks into your eyes, where he sees hope, a future, and true love
In the end, it is all about you, my best friend, my love, and my wife.
You should appreciate your other half because:
-they put up with your mouth
-they take care of you when you are sick
-they are stronger than you
-if she is pregnant, she made a lung, heart, fingers, limbs…. And you…. Right, nothing!
-they clean your clothes
-they listen to you complain when you are having a bad day.
-they are delicate inside and out, but can be as tough as barbed wire if needed.
-they keep us in line when are unable to do so
-they look more and more beautiful as each day passes
-they are understanding and compassionate
-they are kind
-they put things into perspective
-they love you even when you probably do not deserve it
-they take pride in the way they look
-they pour their heart and soul into the relationship
-they appreciate the small things
-they are nurturing
-they are passionate
-they are driven
-they are strong
This list doesn’t begin to scratch the surface as to why men should appreciate their other half, but it does show that woman are more well-rounded and mature than men. Thank you for all the hard work and dedication.
Let’s be honest, most people are afraid of conflict. The do not like the uneasy feeling that comes over them. They do not want to ruffle feathers or cause the other person to explode. Some people actually have to walk a very fine line to make sure their spouse does not flip out. People do just enough to move on to another day, and they never address the root of the issue. This is true in relationships, work environments, or war. Instead of resolving conflict, they chose to manage it by balancing beliefs, sanity, and self-control. It is not an easy thing to do, and it can take a toll on you.
What is conflict? The Coalition Foundation (2015) defines conflict as a “struggle or contest between people with opposing need, ideas, beliefs, values, or goals.” Conflict results because there is some form of miscommunication between people with regards to opposing needs, ideas, beliefs, values, or goals. I think we all would agree, the biggest and most frustrating problem with conflict is miscommunication. We are stuck to our cell phones and emails more than ever, and it is extremely easy to be a “telephone tough guy” and say things that are condescending and degrading. In reality, text and emails have no voice. It is left to the reader to predict how the other person said what they sent. In their head, they think they know the tone of the writer, which couldn’t be further than the truth. I know I am guilty of this myself. However, when we talk face to face, the confrontation is greatly decreased because the tone is nothing like we thought.
The University of Peace (2005) defines conflict management as the effort to prevent the escalation of violence and its negative effects on conflict. USAID, “Training of Trainers Manual,” outlines several issues managers of conflict need to understand in order to properly implement conflict management principals. First, it is important to understand the underlying issues of the conflict. This provides direction and understanding for the stakeholders involved. In this context, it is necessary to examine the cultural background and experiences of the stakeholders to ensure neutrality. Second, there are different types of relationships which could occur during the process. Questions such as: Is there a connection? What type of alliance is there? What is the direction of power or influence? Are there broken relationships? Is there discord and why? In most conflicts power is the single most important element because it affects the dynamics of the relationships or conflict the most, and to successfully analyze and provide solutions, practitioners need to understand uses of power because it can be confusing.
In contrast, Miller and King (2005) define conflict management as an “interventionist effort to prevent conflict and violence,” while providing no structured method to resolve conflict. Instead, resolving conflict requires a flexible approach to finding a resolution to problems. Conflict management does not hold that all conflicts can be resolved. Instead, conflict management focuses on decreasing the level of non-productivity. This can be accomplished by having the skills needed to navigate into conflict resolution, including self-awareness about the conflict modes, understanding a variety of communications skills, and by establishing some form of structure to manage the conflict. Spangler (2003) believes conflict management is the control of deep-rooted conflict and resolution is possible if the right tools are applied. However, conflict management requires engaging in a manner that is “more constructive and less destructive.” The ultimate goal for any conflict is to intervene in such a way that makes the ongoing conflict “more beneficial and less damaging.” Best (2005) further believes conflict management is the process of reducing negativity through a variety of measures.
What does this mean? Is managing conflict or resolving the conflict the right process for you and your circumstance. If you are in a relationship /marriage, I would highly suggest to pick and choose your battles. In my professional opinion, you must always be completely honest, and never speak out of emotion. Conflict resolution is a must for major issues affecting the dynamics of the relationship and both parties’ feelings. Leave managing conflict for smaller items. While the ultimate goal is a win-win solution, the reality is it will not always occur.
In the end, there is no easy way to handle conflicts. Both parties’ must be willing to engage constructively. In relationships, both persons need to engage without emotion by setting boundaries. Some items may need to be tabled, so each person has time to think about things, then reengage at a later time. Ultimately, everyone wants to come away feeling like they had a hand in the decision making process.
Life is a tough road, so when it seems to be falling apart we tend to ask ourselves why me? There ups and down, personal challenges, adversity, family and professional issues, relationships, health concerns, and financial issues. Now add terminal illness, losing a job or loved one, and the weight can be too heavy for some.
There is a problem with asking why and how. On one hand, if you are like me, I seek answers through questions. I try to find understanding, direction, and resolution with these words. When things are going bad, I can usually find the cause or root of the situation by asking myself why or how. They provide a roadmap for what has happened. I am able to find clarity by tracing my foot steps and the events that led up to the current situation. On the other hand, it can be seen as a form of interrogation. I am a firm believer if you have nothing to hide, then these are simple questions. Others believe there is no need to ask questions if you fully trust the other person. Find the reassurance you need, and move forward by providing what the other needs respectfully. A solution produced by both people are equally rewarding.
How ands why can help you find direction and resolution as it prevents mistake from happening again. It narrows your focus and minimizes distractions that could lead you down that road again. I have probably made more mistakes than most during my life. When I asked myself why and how, I was able to change the behaviors rapidly. I finally understood what was going on and why. Moreover, I was able to finally be the man I always wanted to be. I didn’t blame anyone else for my misfortune. I took responsibility for my actions and made drastic changes. This occurred in two instances: improving the kind of person I was and financially.
What most people forget when things go bad is they usually could have prevented what just occurred. We can control most of the things in our lives, but we still make bad choices and bad decisions. We learn from our mistakes in most cases, but there is a small handful of people that continue the vicious cycle because they lack the motivation to change. You cannot dwell or beat yourself up about things you cannot control, i.e. loss of a loved one or terminal illness. This is easier said than done I know. I lost my Grandmother and my best friend within 3 months of each other.
In the end, why and how are powerful questions. They can provide you with options, understanding, and freedom. Do not use them as an interrogation tool, rather for understanding and clarity. You may need to reword what you are asking when talking to a loved one. Always seek to be better than the day before. Always seek to love better than the day before.
Insecurity in relationships can have devastating and long lasting effects. When we allow our emotions to control our mouths, we have lost control, and a downward spiral begins. I call this diarrhea of the mouth. We have become so obsessed with something we “think” is going on, moving from a place of reality, to a fantasy world filled with the demons we place in them, that we lose sight of what is really going on. In most cases, nothing. The mind is a very strong and powerful thing. It tends to take control, and it gets the best of us when we allow it.
The following explores the top reason why this occurs. The top reasons I found were a lack of confidence, fear of judgement, and past experiences. While we would like to believe the world is touchy feely, in reality, it is a very harsh and unforgiving place. People lack confidence because of the things they have experienced. People can be cruel. Not everyone is blessed with a perfect smile, shape, money, or outgoing personality. Many people do not know how to overcome these issues either, so when insecurity strikes, it hits with the force of a tornado, total chaos and loss of control.
Fear of judgement has its own issues. People tend to fail to act because they are afraid of what others might think. Because they fail to try, they never know what they are capable of doing. In other words, they never reach their true potential, find their true calling in life, or meet the person who is out there for them. Every person is judgmental because we come from different backgrounds, cultures, and family beliefs. These things shape what we believe and how we act.
Our past experiences play a role in our insecurity. If we have hurt someone in the past, then, we are afraid they will do it to us. Trust in any relationship is paramount. Let me be clear. Cheating is cheating. Mentally, emotionally, or physically, they are all considered cheating. Texting or talking in a manner less than professional to someone of the opposite sex is not acceptable. In every situation, be respectful to your spouse and their feelings. This will increase their level of trust in you, and it will greatly decrease their level of insecurity.
I believe lacking confidence, fear of judgement, and past experiences are interconnected. If you have one, you have all three, but that is just my opinion. Personally. I have always had a problem with confidence. My other half would greatly disagree, but it is the truth. I was never in the popular crowd, I grew up poor, and I was an introvert. It took at least 23 years to reverse it, but it came with a price. Each one of us has our own demons, we just have to find a way to deal with them so insecurity doesn’t take over.
In the end, there is no easy fix. It take time, hard work, and understanding of the underlying causes of being insecure. There is no cook book why to fix it. Each person knows themselves better than anyone else. Think about your life and why you feel insecure. Then, take constructive action to fix it. Not every day is going to be easy, so confide in someone you can trust. Let them provide feedback, and utilize it to your advantage so you can grow as a person. In regards to relationships, if one is insecure, take the time to listen, and work on it together. Reassurance is an amazing thing. Be thoughtful, compassionate, and understanding, as this will serve you both well, drawing you closer to each other, diminishing the fear if insecurity.