Author Archives: PhDMedic

About PhDMedic

I have a Ph.D. in Conflict Analysis & Resolution, with a concentration in International Peace and Conflict, and I am a National Registry Paramedic with 30 years in emergency services as a provider and educator.

So let me tell you about my wife….

Relationships and marriage are one of the most frustrating and rewarding things anyone can put them selves through if BOTH of you are completely devoted to one another. It takes work, understanding, patience, love, honesty, passion, forgiveness, and commitment.

I want to share my story because I hope it will help others see in their significant other / spouse, what I see in my wife.

It is not easy. I have given up so much in my life because those things were no longer my priority. Instead, I put my wife and kids first. Why? Because I want to be the example for others to follow, and more importantly I never want to let her down.

My wife is the most beautiful woman on this planet in my eyes, inside and out. I am proud of her accomplishments and for the ones she will get in the future. She is the only person I have ever worked so hard for because it is important she knows the family comes first. When she hugs me it brings me to tears because I have never felt anything like her embrace. When we are apart, I close my eyes and I can trace every inch of her face and body just as if she was with me. I have never truly loved myself until she showed me I could. She showed me the right way to love her, what true happiness is, and how to nurture our marriage. I never knew what true love was until her.

She is a strong willed and empowered, and has type A personality. We have are issues just like everyone else, but I will never quit on her. I will never hurt her. I will ALWAYS love her and give her all of me in this life and the next.

So you see, my wife is incredible. She is probably a super hero and she hasn’t told me yet! Seriously, the point is this. When things start to go south, work through it, think about all the reasons you love them. We all have bad days, but we depend on one another to help us get through it. Team, always, always, always be a team.

To my beautiful bride I love you. Thank you for loving me.


Fear is a very powerful emotion. It can completely shut you down, and it can cause a wide variety of unnatural emotions and visions in our heads.

Why are we fearful? In my case, it is because I do not want to lose the most important thing in my life… my wife. I try my hardest to be the very best I can be each day for her. I have never loved anything more than my wife, including myself.

In order to over come those fears we have to communicate our emotions in a constructive manner. Express your concerns, but do it in a manner that is beneficial to everyone. If you explain your thoughts and why you are fearful, most of the time it is only because we allow things to get into our heads without reason.

The mind is a very powerful thing, and it can do more harm than good if we let it. In everything I do, I want my wife to be a part of it. All major decisions have to be agreed on by both of us. Value each other’s opinions, work together as a team, and it will make a stronger relationship.

In the end, relationships take work, so listen to each other. Do whatever is necessary to remove those fears, but be honest about your emotions. My wife thought me what is important in life which is why I work so hard each day for my wife and family.

Having a bad day? A hug will make it better.

We all have those days we wish we could just start over. Instead of getting upset, think about the wonderful things in your life. In the big picture, those things are really nothing. They are small obstacles.

When I am having a bad, I look at a picture of my wife, or in most cases, I reach out for her embrace. A hug is a powerful thing. No matter what the issue might be or the pain you are experiencing, a hug takes away everything. Why? Maybe a hug is somewhat hypnotic because it creates a bubble of security around you for that brief moment in time. Its powers are so strong as its embrace penetrates the soul so one may forgive, love, heal, or believe.

It can be thought of as a type of kryptonite. Even the most harden of people fall weak to it arms. A hug is something special, so take the time to hug your family. Kiss your spouse and hug them when they are having a bad day.

In the end, sometimes words are not needed, just a hug.

What is the right choice?

Very simply….

Everyone knows the difference between right and wrong it is not a hard thing to do. I would never dishonor my wife ever. In everything I do I ask myself, “would my wife approve if I……”

I never put myself in a position where it would make myself or my spouse feel uncomfortable. If you are married or in a dedicated and committed relationship, flirting is NOT ok with someone else ever. It is hurtful and dishonest. More than anything it shows how much you actually do not respect the other person or their feelings.

A job is simply a job. You pay bills. Nothing more. Should you like it? Absolutely. Your family and spouse should be what you eat, breathe, and sleep for everyday. It’s not about you anymore, it is about the other person who is busting their ass for you because they are deeply and passionately in love with you. Reciprocate that love and passion. They deserve it.

In the end, take a hard look at who you are because you may not like what you see if you do an honest assessment of your self. You committed your life to that other person, so make sure you tell them and show them how much you love them.

I love my wife. She is the greatest gift I have ever received. It is an honor to have her trust me with her heart, and as her husband, I will do everything in my power to preserve that trust.

Is is ok to be selfish?

Each person has their own perspective about the life they want to live. As we grow older we start to mature and other factors must be considered.

Is it ok to be selfish? The answer lies within. You have to decide what things are most important in your life. What things are you willing to give up for your family and your future? We want to be successful professionally, and we want to be successful personally. In other words, the single most important thing to me is being a great husband. I refuse to let my wife and kids down. The rest is just icing.

Do I want to be successful in my professional life? Absolutely! However, in my decision I have to factor in things like how much time will I miss with my wife and kids? Will this job divide our relationship or bring us closer together? Will the income help sustain us long term and help us reach our financial goals? Will I be happy and feel like I am making a difference?

While I may seek the professional opinion of the people I trust, I rarely reach out to anyone. Instead, I seek the advice of my wife. The way I look at it is that she will always be honest, and good or bad, I will get the feedback I need to make a decision. Ultimately, she is who I have to answer too.

So, it is ok to be selfish, but you must make your decisions with some restraint and caution. What looks like a good thing could end up being a very bad decision. Unilateral decision making is rarely the best way to go, but you know you better than anyone. Seek out advice and take it into consideration. Do not be forced into a decision you do not want to make. Instead, weight out the pro’s and con’s, make a list of any questions or concerns, and discuss them in a constructive manner. Most of the time you will come to a solid decision.

In the end, we get one shot at our life. Make the most of it personally and professionally. Weigh out the options and move forward without regret.

Don’t Sweat the small stuff

Life is complicated enough. Bill’s, kids, work, and your relationship can bring a lot of stress if we allow it. The key is to find balance.

Prioritize your life. Unfortunately, work and bills go together. Reduce your debt, get rid of unnecessary bills, and account for every penny. Work together as a team to knock out the debt. You will reap the rewards together because then there is a sense of accomplishment and team building which are crucial for any relationship.

It is easy to bring the stress of work home. If you need to vent, do so in a manor in which your spouse will understand. Make them a part of it. I love getting feedback from my wife. Yet, she will put me in my place very quickly if I start to push my frustration on her.

Make time for your family because there will come a time when they are gone. I love my nightly talks with our youngest and my wife. There is nothing more enjoyable than to have a conversation with a child about their day. It puts things into perspective. Ending my day where I started it holding my wife tight in my arms is the best feeling in the world. That is what life is about.

In the end, life is about experiences. Let the small stuff go that causes you stress. Enjoy your family and the time you have with one another.


Marriage is suppose to be a partnership. If you have a bad day, lean on the other person to get through it. Your better half might surprise you and offer words of wisdom. In many cases, we just need to vent. Active listening is the best trait anyone can achieve.

What I have noticed is that’s it’s ok for her to feel insecure, say crazy things, or be emotional for absolutely no reason at all, but…….I cannot!!!!

One of my Citadel classmates said it best… “she is always right even when she is not.”

I love my wife more than my own life, and I will always put her first. I had a lot of growing up to do a couple years ago, but her arms are the best place on earth. We make a great team, and we have a great partnership.

In the end, some times you have to pick your battles. Be careful in your words and actions. Always strive for a better partnership.

The Lost Art of Active Listening

Our life is made up of a broad series of interactions and relationships. Each one is an opportunity to make a situation better, or leave a bad impression.

Personal relationships are no different. We want those around us to listen when we have a problem or a concern. It is our hope, that person can provide support, direction, and understanding. However, when the roles are reversed or when two people have competing interest, the art of active listening can get lost through our own selfishness to make sure our needs are met. In turn, we make things worse than better, and both parties end up leaving the conversation disappointed.

Active listening can be accomplished by repeating the points the person talking is saying to you. In doing so, it lets the other person know you clearly understand what they are saying. Remember, it is not about you. They are talking so keep your mouth shut and listen. If you need clarity, just ask them to explain. Finally, be respectful. It is easy to come across as not caring. Make sure you look them in the eyes, provide feedback when asked, and actively listen.

After they have expressed their concerns, do not complain, or even express you need more from them because it is a very vulnerable time. It could come across as what they are doing is not good enough. Thus, it could hurt them.

In the end, active listening is a lost art. Take the time to show them you sincerely care by listening and following thru with what they need from you.

A little white lie is still a lie…… it hurts.

So… I screwed up. My wife and I are trying to have a baby, and I had to get some testing done at the Urologist. Now as you know, I love my wife dearly, she is my world, and I would never hurt her on purpose. Well, I f#%k#% up. I paid $250 for my initial fertility consult and couldn’t afford the lab work because it costs so much. At that moment I did not have insurance to pay for it. She asked about it and I told her they took blood when they didn’t.

This week my insurance kicks in and for my second visit all fertility lab work will be done. Hopefully they will have the results before the appointment. I have to go by and pick up a kit.

I would never cheat on my wife as I love her and the kids more than my own life. I have not been dishonest about anything and I am very proud of that fact. This tiny white lie is still a lie no less. It hurt her a lot. I know I messed up, but I did it bc I was ashamed I couldn’t afford the test until I had my insurance. This baby means so much to us both and I just wanted to do more than I could. We have been trying for a few months. My heart was in the right place but the actions were wrong. I admitted to it and accepted responsibility for it. I only hope she will see what I was trying to do.

So my point is this, no matter how insignificant it may be, or how embarrassed you might be, there is never a reason to tell the smallest of lies. Always, always be honest. Lesson learned.

As always, to my wife and kids, I love you. I made a huge error in judgement. I was an idiot, now the world knows as well. Thank you for making me better.

New Years Resolutions, Are They Unrealistic?

One of the great things about the New Year for most people is that it brings about a fresh start. Many people want to get into better shape physically or financially. Maybe it is to be a better spouse, or to hold yourself more accountable. Whatever your motivation, do not lose sight of accomplishing your goals.

It could be argued that resolutions are unrealistic. Look at any gym for instance. The first three months are the best time for gym owners because they will have such a huge influx of new memberships. Come March, most have lost their direction and given up. Maybe it is because of a bad diet, stress, work, or boredom.

The key is to set your goals for the year. Instead of resolutions, make them goals. They need to be tough enough for you to work at them, but not easy enough for you to barely do anything to accomplish them. If you have a significant other, do them together. It is nice to have someone who will hold you accountable. Plus, you are aligning your relationship and making it stronger. My wife and I did it this weekend, and it was awesome to see we were thinking along the same lines.

Next, build a plan. Use the SMART method. Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timely. I like to use mind mapping as well, to make sure I am visualizing things the way I need to, to accomplish my goals. Do whatever works for you though. Write them down. No more than 10 a year. If you accomplish those 10, then make another list. If you write so many down early on, you are setting yourself up for failure.

Once you have the plan you want to follow, it is time to put it into action. Hold yourself accountable. At the same time, make sure there are consequences if you do not stay on track. My wife and I love to eat, (that is a huge problem, especially since she is a such a great cook!), but we have decided if we have a cheat meal before the end of the month, we will ruin our date nights by not having dinner out. This is enough motivation for us. Who wants to have a date night out on the town with no food?!!!!

Record. I cannot express enough how important it is to log everything each day. That way you can see what is working and what is not working. Seeing it is much better than trying to remember it. For example, why did I feel so much stronger on this day, than another day? Was it supplementation, breakfast, or pre-workout?

Finally, re-evaluate. Be flexible and constantly strive to improve. If you hit a wall, so be it. It doesn’t mean you are a failure. It means, you need to adjust. As Jocko Willink says, “some good will come from it.”

In the end, whatever the label you decide to use, write it down, plan it, put it into action, record it, and constantly re-evaluate.

I suggest you watch these videos. Things go bad for all of us. It is about perspective, and it can prevent you from reaching your goals. These are my favorite. The mind is a very powerful tool, so use it to your advantage.

As always, thank you.



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