Author Archives: PhDMedic

About PhDMedic

I have a Ph.D. in Conflict Analysis & Resolution, with a concentration in International Peace and Conflict, and I am a National Registry Paramedic with 28 years in emergency services.

Tone

The way we speak to one another can easily be taken the wrong way. Issues such as our mood, demeanor, and lack of sleep, traffic, financial issues, and work can have a direct impact on someone’s perception. It is tough to go around with a smile on our face every minute of the day, and act as if we live in a utopian world. Now apply that to personal relationships, be it marriage or your significant other. Some of you must be able to read minds as well! That is right you have super powers! You are supposed to know what the other person is thinking, the kind of mood they are in, and what they want you to do all the time. Let us just call you Yoda from now on. 

My wife occasionally reminds me, it is not what you said, but how you said it” i.e. the tone I used. Communications goes both ways, and it is easy to take things out of context based on the tone. Own up to it, if you mess up, apologize and move on. Feelings can easily be hurt. Remember women’s hormones fluctuate, so be prepared for anything. Remember, they are always right! There is no exception to this rule. You have to look past some things, and pick and choose your battles.

In stressful and sensitive situations, the tone you use can have a direct effect on the outcome. Be courteous to one another, set boundaries and rules. If you feel as though things are getting out of hand, walk away, and revisit them at another time when both of you are willing to engage in a constructive conversation. 

 

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Think Before You Speak

Many times, it is easy to blurt out things without ever taking the time to think about what you are getting ready to say. When emotions fill the air, our inability to rationally think causes us to have diarrhea of the mouth. The words that follow makes us feel like a super hero for a few seconds as we deflect words from the other person that make us cringe. What we should realize is there are times when words of positivity and appreciation are the better route to take.

Arguing is nothing more than two people showing how ignorant they are to one another. Even when you know you are right, there is something about the whole process that is undeniably inept. Men tend to be worse at it than women, but it does work both ways.

As I sit here writing this piece, I cannot believe how many times I wasted my energy and time having an argument. Most of the time it is over something silly, but there are times I want my feelings to be heard. In contrast, some believe it is healthy to argue. I tend to agree if it builds trust in the relationship by allowing one another to completely express their thoughts and emotions without ridicule or put downs. When this occurs, the relationship grows, and it brings two people closer. The problem is that most relationships do not allow for this to occur.

In the end, whatever you decide, just make sure you argue in a manner that is beneficial to all parties involved. It is easy to let your emotions take over, stop listening, and throw out as many put downs as possible. That attitude and those actions are detrimental to the relationship. If you truly care, take the time to listen to one another, and engage in a conversation where you leave feeling like you accomplished something together.


Turning the corner or being complacent in 2019

happy new year decorative plate
Photo by JESHOOTS.com on Pexels.com

 

Today is the start of another year. It is a time to reflect, reorganize, and decide how to approach the new year. It feels like spring time in a way because you get that warm and fuzzy feeling all over again. What ever happened in 2018 doesn’t matter anymore because it is 2019, and there is time to make yourself a better you.

I am excited about this year because we have two big goals set in place. We have a plan, and it is in motion. On a personal level, I want to be healthy and continue to move forward professionally. Each day brings a new opportunity to improve yourself. Take advantage of the new year and do not get in a rut. One of the biggest things a see people do, and I am guilty of it myself, is we start out full steam ahead, then about three months into it, we fall back into the old habits because it is easy. Set realistic goals. Make them tough enough so you must work for them in order to be successful. Do not let anything get in your way. The only thing stopping you is you.

Another problem I see is people not able to let go of the past or get so caught up in the moment that they lose focus on the goals they have set. The past is the past for a reason. You cannot and will never be that person again so move on. Do not let distractions deter you any longer. Build the future with the same passion you have with trying to hold on to the past. You will have those memories forever and they will never be replaced. Remember you are building new memories, and you may miss out if you are so blinded by the past.

Road bumps, they are going to happen. Deal with it, get over it, and move forward. I had one three days ago, and I saw it as a huge roadblock before we even got started on the goals we set. We made a compromise, and we put stipulations in place. Now it is a win-win situation for everyone.

Finally, you own everything you do or do not do. Remember one of Jocko’s best quotes, “Discipline equals freedom.” Happy New Year and good luck.

 

 


Happy Anniversary My Beautiful Bride!

At the time of this writing one year ago today, I married my best friend. Today, we celebrate our first wedding anniversary. She is more beautiful than ever, and I reaffirmed my vows to her.

The year has flown by, but along the way we have learned so much about one another. She makes me a better man. I will not fail her, I will not let her down, and I will always support her to the best of my ability.

Life is very short, but I look forward to the journey of life I have been so fortunate to have experienced with her. Each day brings excitement, joy, and happiness. Today is a time of reflection and joy. To my beautiful bride… thank you for all you do, thank you for being such a strong woman, and thank you for loving me. It is an honor to call you my wife, and I will love and protect your heart as I know it is a privilege you have given me.

Cheers my love!!!! To another year and a life time to go…. I love you.


The Reality of Death

No one knows when they will take their last breath, but when death comes it brings an outpour of mixed emotions. Some want it to be a celebration, but often, it comes when we least expect it. Many people are fortunate enough to live a lifetime of experiences, but there are many times when people are taken without the opportunity to say goodbye.

Grief is a fickle thing, especially when someone leaves this world much younger than they should, leaving families stricken with the lose of a loved one. I cannot imagine living without my wife. I know we are not immortal, but the pain of losing her is something I never want to experience.

My best friend was 39 years old when he died. He was the only person who truly understood me. He had a way of getting along with almost anyone he met, and he was a person who loved and fed off competition. So, I took his death very hard.

Today, my wife had to experience something similar. A mentor or hers died very young, leaving behind a wife and child. He was someone who took the time to look after his people. He and his wife went the extra mile, even when they didn’t have to do so. It makes it even harder when good people are taken to soon. He will be missed by many people.

I do not like seeing my wife in pain. It hurts me as it would anyone else who loves their spouse with all their heart. We all deal with death differently, but it is always hard to find the right words when someone dies. We must look back on the time we had, appreciate those experiences, and take the emotions and feelings back to our family. Death shows us just how fragile life really can be, and it reminds us to love more, show more patience, and embrace our family even more.  Family is the foundation of our lives. Kiss and hug them like it is the last time because when you leave the house or go to bed, you may never get the opportunity to speak to them again.


So let me tell you about my wife….

Relationships and marriage are one of the most frustrating and rewarding things anyone can put them selves through if BOTH of you are completely devoted to one another. It takes work, understanding, patience, love, honesty, passion, forgiveness, and commitment.

I want to share my story because I hope it will help others see in their significant other / spouse, what I see in my wife.

It is not easy. I have given up so much in my life because those things were no longer my priority. Instead, I put my wife and kids first. Why? Because I want to be the example for others to follow, and more importantly I never want to let her down.

My wife is the most beautiful woman on this planet in my eyes, inside and out. I am proud of her accomplishments and for the ones she will get in the future. She is the only person I have ever worked so hard for because it is important she knows the family comes first. When she hugs me it brings me to tears because I have never felt anything like her embrace. When we are apart, I close my eyes and I can trace every inch of her face and body just as if she was with me. I have never truly loved myself until she showed me I could. She showed me the right way to love her, what true happiness is, and how to nurture our marriage. I never knew what true love was until her.

She is a strong willed and empowered, and has type A personality. We have are issues just like everyone else, but I will never quit on her. I will never hurt her. I will ALWAYS love her and give her all of me in this life and the next.

So you see, my wife is incredible. She is probably a super hero and she hasn’t told me yet! Seriously, the point is this. When things start to go south, work through it, think about all the reasons you love them. We all have bad days, but we depend on one another to help us get through it. Team, always, always, always be a team.

To my beautiful bride I love you. Thank you for loving me.


Fear

Fear is a very powerful emotion. It can completely shut you down, and it can cause a wide variety of unnatural emotions and visions in our heads.

Why are we fearful? In my case, it is because I do not want to lose the most important thing in my life… my wife. I try my hardest to be the very best I can be each day for her. I have never loved anything more than my wife, including myself.

In order to over come those fears we have to communicate our emotions in a constructive manner. Express your concerns, but do it in a manner that is beneficial to everyone. If you explain your thoughts and why you are fearful, most of the time it is only because we allow things to get into our heads without reason.

The mind is a very powerful thing, and it can do more harm than good if we let it. In everything I do, I want my wife to be a part of it. All major decisions have to be agreed on by both of us. Value each other’s opinions, work together as a team, and it will make a stronger relationship.

In the end, relationships take work, so listen to each other. Do whatever is necessary to remove those fears, but be honest about your emotions. My wife thought me what is important in life which is why I work so hard each day for my wife and family.


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