Controlling Relationships

This is a special article because it will be broken down into two parts. Part I will include my persepective, my mistakes, my regrets, and my conviction to correct my old problem for the rest of my life. Part II will include my other halfs perspective from her own words. We hope the reader can a better understanding the importance to openly communicate to one another so this does not happen. Relationships are worth fighting for especially when you genueinly love each other.

I honestly did not realize the damage I was doing until I got slapped in the face with the consequences of my actions. I thought I was protecting myself from being hurt when actually I was hurting us. Instead of bringing us closer together I was pushing her away. I thought she understood that I was trying to protect my family, trying to protect her, trying to do the right things as a man, father, and husband. I always take responsibility for my actions….. boy was I so incredibly wrong about doing things right. There is no doubt about how much I love my wife or kids, nor a shadow of doubt to my level of commitment to her and our family. I have never loved or appreciated anything so much. I often tell her how much the best place in the world is when I am holding her, and looking into her eyes. 

Guys listen up, step up and be a real man. Do not make the mistakes I did. You have to trust her. I always have but I wasn’t showing it because I was always getting upset about stupid stuff. She would stay over to talk to a female friend, my mind said it was a male. She wanted to work extra to pay a bill, my mind, she doesn’t want to spend time with me, and there is no way I want her to work her full time job extra. The proper thing to do is say hey honey I understand let’s figure it out together. Do not ever say you can’t or don’t!!!! Don’t do this or that, don’t wear this or that. Instead, express and voice your concerns. She and I are the worse about crap getting in our heads. However, we need each other but not in a demeaning way. We just love each other that much. Any concerns you may have do not say them over text!!!!!!! OMG!!! Text comes across the wrong way when you do not need them too every single time!!! Another example..Don’t go here or there. Instead, explain your concerns and move on. Things have to get done, and you cannot win every battle. I believe in transparency, but it goes far beyond this when you say you can’t or don’t. Asking not to do something is totally different, just make sure you have a good reason and not because of some crap in your head.

How did I feel? Like a total failure. I am sorry. However, this time my actions reflect my words. I have always been sincere in my apologies, but now that I truly understand finally, my actions will show it. My insecurities did this. I had no reason to be insecure. I am smart, educated, handsome (yes her words!!! Lol), and loving. She is my best friend and she loves me!!!! Why in the hell was I ever insecure?!!! Because I was an idiot. She loves me with all her heart, she trusts me, and she believes in me. 

We have financial issues like anyone else. However, we created debt together. We were strapped. Always be honest with your money issues. Pull your weight and work together because you are a partnership. Moving forward, I am doing all I can to reduce the income problems we have had. I will not be a supporter, I will be a provider.

What is my biggest regret? Hurting the only person in my life that I have ever truly loved. I never knew how not to be controlling. I never knew I wasn’t listening and it almost cost me everything. When you get hit with reality that your ass is losing everything and you have no control, you make life altering changes very quickly. You suck up your pride, step up, and be the man she knew was inside you, and you love her the way she has always wanted you too. I will never be that guy again.
My conviction and my only purpose is to do what we need for our family. I will love her the right way, I will get rid of our debt, and I will step up and be the man of the house. When I put articles out here it’s not just empty words. It is about accountability. It is our there for the world to see. There is no failure. I made her a few promises I will keep. First, changed behavior. I will lead by my actions. Second, I will always be a loving and supportive husband and father. Third, 1/2 to 3/4 of our credit card debt will be gone, and she will not have to work full time after the beginning of the year. I know, big promises. Well, guess what? I am keeping them all. 

In the end of Part I…. love your spouse do not be controlling. To easy! Stef will provide her perspective this week, and she will not hold back! I actually love that about her. 

Always fight for your family, but do it in way that is loving and enduring. It has made us better, brought us closer than ever before, and we appreciate things about each other so much more. I hate it happened, but if it makes my life with her better then I will go through hell and back. She deserves the best from me, and she has it because she showed me how not to be controlling just as I showed her how to love. It is a partnership.

 I love you more than anything on this earth. I trust you and I believe in you. I am your biggest fan and supporter. You gave me life when I had no air, you gave me hope when I lost hope in this world, and you love me and see good and greatness in me when I was too blind too. I will forever be changed for you, I will always put your needs before my own insecurities, and I will always love you the way you need me too. You are the greatest woman in the world. Your body drips with beauty, and I am the luckiest man in the world. I love you. As every minute passes when you are not in my arms I ache without you. I am so thankful and in love with you… thank you for making me a better man, father, and husband. 

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About PhDMedic

I have a Ph.D. in Conflict Analysis & Resolution, with a concentration in International Peace and Conflict, and I am a National Registry Paramedic with 28 years in emergency services. View all posts by PhDMedic

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