Feeling Secure in a Relationship

There is no greater feeling than being loved and having the security that the person you are with loves you with all their heart. The way they look at you, hold you, and kiss you are precious and priceless. The feeling of security comes with a cost, and not all couples are willing to travel down the road less travelled. However, for those who do, I life of love and happiness remains intact for the rest of their lives.

My beautiful bride to be and I work hard to make sure we both feel secure in every aspect of our relationship. Yes, trust is a key factor, but every relationship is different. There is no cook book recipe to a successful relationship. Communication is paramount, and each person must respect the needs of the other person. On topics that are particularly sensitive, boundaries must be set before you discuss them, so the other person feels safe talking about the topic. Do we make mistakes? ABSOLUTELY! Text and email do not express your concerns, wording can come across the wrong way, and feelings can get hurt unintentionally. Always admit when you are wrong. Accept responsibility for your actions, never personally attack the other person, and examine the root of the issue. In other words, why does this person feel this way? By understanding the root causes you can both find understanding and a resolution together. It is NEVER a personal attack, and make sure to never accuse the other person. Work as a team to build one another up and work through problems. This will build the security in your relationship and make it stronger than ever because you have taken the time to listen to one another.

Teresa Maples, a mental health counselor, in her article, “6 Ways to Feel Secure As A Couple,” provides some insight to making a relationship more secure. Each person is responsible for bringing out the following items, these include: Personal Integrity, Be a Safe Person, Schedule Time Together, what you put into it is what you get out, it takes two to tango, and being a couple is your first priority above individual needs.

Personal integrity- Say what you mean and mean what you say. You should always keep your word to your partner, and always follow through on your promises.

Be a safe person- Reflect on your own words and behavior. Change your thoughts and behaviors. Sometimes our imagination gets the best of us when we shouldn’t allow it, and we take it out on the other person.

It takes two to tango- The only way to have your needs met is to constantly provide, love, safety, and security to your partner. Sometimes we lack self esteem, talk to the other person and let them know how much you love and appreciate them.

Schedule time together- We all get busy with life and kids. Every couple has to take time to reengage and fall in love with one another again. It does not have to be an expensive get away. Instead, it can be a date night at home. One of the best gifts my beautiful bride got me was a date night box. They come straight to your house, and it is a surprise. It is one or two adult games, some fun snacks, and a dinner menu to fix that date night. It allows you to be creative together. What I love the most about it was the incredible thought she put into finding this. Now every month for 12 months something new comes in for our date night.

What you put into it is what you will get out of it- Both partners have to give 100 % all the time. Both get their needs met, no one is neglected, and the couple is emotionally healthy. I cannot over state the importance of this.

Being a couple is your first priority- The happiest couples in the world meet each others needs. They are willing to make concessions. By doing so, they are able to get their own needs met because they met the needs of the other person.

In the end, relationships are not easy. They take work, love, understanding, kindness, and a sincere effort to understand the other person. You should always strive to be better than the day before, and your actions should always reflect the highest standards of your spouse. Nothing is more important than the person you love. There is no more selfishness. Everything you do reflects your family. I love my wife to be and I love my kids, and I will always put them first. It took me 44 years to grow up. I am fortunate to have the most loving, compassionate, sexy, incredibly beautiful, intelligent, and passionate woman in the world. I literally melt when I see her. I have my own insecurities, but she accepts me for me. She makes me want to be better than the day before. I fall in love with her all over again every single time I see her. This is what security does in a relationship. It makes you love more because you believe in them more.


To my beautiful bride: thank you for loving me, thank you for not giving up on me when I wanted to give up on myself, thank you for always showing me how much you love me, and thank you for being the woman you are now. I love you. 202 days and a wake up.

About PhDMedic

I have a Ph.D. in Conflict Analysis & Resolution, with a concentration in International Peace and Conflict, and I am a National Registry Paramedic with 30 years in emergency services as a provider and educator. View all posts by PhDMedic

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