The Reality of What We See

As I sit in the kitchen looking out the window, I can see what is going on outside. I can see the neighbors barn, birds flying by, and some of the animals in the field. What I see is nothing more than what my eyesight can pick up. When I step outside, the world is different. The picture expands. I can see the animals socializing with each other, clouds floating by, and I can hear a variety of sounds in the air. It is easy to judge, without knowing. We should be open minded enough to understand or if we cannot, then be open minded enough to try to understand. Perception is not always reality.

People are the same way. Every person is biased in some manner, it is just a fact of life. However, we can be quick to judge one another without getting to know each other. I have said it before, every person could write a best-selling book about themselves because each person has a unique story to tell.

Relationships work the same way. It takes more time and effort to pick someone apart than to simply say thank you. Why are you having a bad day? What can we do to fix the situation? Take the time to see the other person on the inside. Understand why they feel the way they do and be respectful enough to listening actively. While many things are nothing more than misunderstandings, just taking the time to lend a hand and listen can resolve most issues. The reality of what we see is this is a good person, with a big heart, maybe they are just struggling, and they do not know how to fix it.

I did not work full time last month at all. I could have but I thought I was doing the right thing for my wife. Instead of talking about it early on or planning better, I tried to tackle the problem alone. It does not work like that. My wife put the hammer down on me (continues to do so) because it took money away from other things, and she had to pay a few extra bills. Looking back, I should have asked for her help. After all, she is my best friend, but being a man, thinking I had to fix everything alone, I failed miserably. It bothers me a lot because I failed her. I did not mean too. I was not being lazy, I was trying to do the right thing, but I went at it the wrong way.

In the end, discuss issues, you are a team, the reality of what we see through a closed door or just looking at someone is not always reality.


First Day of Life

Today, Gryphon was introduced to the world. He was born at 4:50 a.m., weighing in at 7 pounds, 20 inches long, and perfect in every way possible. I am a very proud Dad to say the least. I also have two wonderful step daughters who play sports and excel in all they do. I love them to death, but there is something about having your own child. It is a sense of pride. I am a older father, as I will be 48 in December, but I am in great shape considering. I take care of myself because I want to be here for him and my family for many years to come.

My wife is the most incredible woman on the planet. She survived this entire process with minimal damage to her body. She is my support system and my best friend. I am truly amazed at who she is and all she has accomplished. As I watched Gryphon being born, I became overwhelmed with emotion. Do not get me wrong, I have loved this entire process, but to see this tiny human, who is a part of you and your significant other, it is a different kind of emotion. I am responsible for his success and failures. As I held him in my arms, I promised him I would not fail him, and I will always lead by example in all I do. Every parent has an obligation to their child to be the best example they can be.

What did I learn today: today is a new beginning not just for my child, but it is one for me as well. I want him to always know how much I love his mother, how much I love him, how to be responsible and respectful to others, and how to be humble. Just as my wife makes me a better person, this tiny human will do the same.

Funny things about today: I learned he has the same eye roll and sarcastic grimace as I do. When he took his first poop, well lets just say, I am glad we have a lot of wet wipes!

In the end, everyday is an opportunity, and it is up to you what you will do with it. Seize the day, learn something so you can be a better you and share it with others. Never take tomorrow for granted because you never know when it will be your last. Stop procrastinating, organize your life, put your significant first, and lead by example.

Pregnancy- A Husbands Perspective

My wife is 30 weeks pregnant with our son, and I have never experienced something as emotional as this journey. It has been without a doubt a humble experience.

I truly love my wife. I have supported her throughout this experience and throughout our marriage. She has shown me the importance of life, which is why I have embraced this pregnancy so much. I have watched the pain and joy of pregnancy, and I have to admit, there is something so beautiful about it.

I hate she has to endure the nausea and vomiting from some of those meals little man just doesn’t agree with right now. Seeing her body change is amazing. While she may feel odd at times, I can tell you there is nothing more beautiful in this world. She is perfect! I love touching her belly, helping her up, and doing all I can for her when she lets me.

There are a lot of people who try for years to have a child. In some cases, there are those who will never get to experience this incredible journey. As a soon to be father and husband for a couple of years I can assure you, there are times she will feel unattractive. Hug her more, reassure her of the depth of your love, reprioritize things, and make sure she always knows just how deeply in love with her you are.

In closing, child birth is no joke. It is hard on her body, so make sure you appreciate the process and your wife as she is making a huge sacrifice. To my wife…. thank you for all you do, I love you, and it is an honor to be your husband and father of our child.

An Adventure Begins & New Footings are Established

My wife and I have been through a lot emotionally these last few years. We have tried to have a child for the last 15 plus months. Life throws you in every direction. You may not always understand or agree with what is going on, but there is usually a reason why things happen. We have had several chemical pregnancies, and for whatever reason we lost them. We were trying everything possible. We felt hopeless at times, and it was especially tough when we see/know so many other people that were pregnant.

The next step we took was to see a fertility center. That was a long process as well. All the testing always came back positive for the both of us, which to be honest, really made it difficult. It is easy to place blame on your spouse. DO NOT DO IT. It is so hard on the both of you that you tend to look for any excuse as to why you cannot get pregnant. After more blood tests, and examinations, it was determined my beautiful wife needed to have surgery to attempt to open her fallopian tubes. The doctor told us it appeared one side was partially blocked, and the other was completely blocked. The chances of the surgery fixing things was minimal. However, we were hopeful. My wife is as tough as they come. She was a war fighter (literally), combat medic, and even this caused her many sleepless nights. The surgery took about 10 minutes. When they got in there, they did not see what they thought they were going to see. Instead, she had diverticula, which are small sac like structures at the end of each tube. In the end, they flushed her out, and they advised us we should look at IVF or IUI. 

The next week, we agreed to get a loan. In total, it cost about eighteen thousand dollars. We got a loan for thirteen thousand, and we would have to pay out of pocket for the rest. We agreed that if we did not try, we would look back and regret it. A couple of days before we signed the final papers for the loan, we got another positive test. We could not get to happy of course because it had happened so many times before, but we were both hopeful. Usually by day 5, she would start another cycle. Each time it was devastating. This time days, 6, 7, 8, 9 came and gone without event. We were so happy that finally this could be real thing. Was it possible that all she needed was to have those tubes flushed? Actually……………. Yes. We called UNC fertility and they had blood tests done immediately. They came back positive! We were so happy. As paramedic’s we knew the first trimester was the most delicate. I have to admit, this pregnancy has shown me how much I never knew about the development of an embryo to a fetus or the entire process in general. 

My wife is 37, and I am 47. However, this in the fertility world means we are of advanced age. How dare they call me old! I think my wife describes the rest of the process better than I can so these are her words.


“Pregnancy is supposed to be one of the happiest things a woman can experience. Finding out you are expecting, hearing the heartbeat, seeing what you have created on the ultrasound moving around…

Well, this little boy has been different. This pregnancy has been plagued by anxiety, fear, tears, and a lot of prayers.

I was introduced to the medical term Subchorionic Hemorrage. A SCH is when blood accumulates next to and even under the placenta. This can cause the placenta to displace and the loss of the fetus. It increases the chance of miscarriage and also causes the membranes around the amniotic sac to weaken causing preterm labor. It happens to only 1% of all women.

See everyone, God has decided to bless us with twins. As I was adjusting to the thought of being a new mom again, I was also adjusting to the thought of having twins. Then I got home from work and started losing a lot of blood and clots. I thought for sure I lost my boys. After the tears, and panic I found out that we did lose one, but the other was still fighting. The one we lost had a complete placental abruption. They did not share a placenta so my hope was that not all the blood accumulating around the viable baby was enough to cause his placenta to tear either. We were given a 70% chance of losing him too. My son and I have made it 14 weeks (actually 16 weeks tomorrow as of this writing).

Here we are. We made it to the second trimester and after all the fear and not wanting to say anything, I have decided this little man needs to be celebrated and loved by all the people that we love. Not a day goes by that I do not worry whether or not I will lose him.

The definition of a plot twist is a radical change in the direction or expected outcome of the plot in a work of fiction. When it happens near the end of a story, it is known as a twist or surprise ending. 

My son has proved to be my biggest plot twist and I pray we get to meet him September 25th.”


This is my first child. I am excited, proud, and anxious. I have to admit the first time I saw that little heart beating I was like, we created that! The next time he was kicking around, and it brought tears to my eyes. Being a Dad and husband comes with a lot of responsibility. I live each day for them, and try to the best role model I can me. It is not about being selfish. It is about making sure my family is taken care of to the best of my ability. Moreover, it is about my wife knowing how much I love her, cherish her, and believe in her. After all, she is the one growing a human being in her body. I love my life, but it took a very long time for me to change. I am proud of who I am today, and I cannot wait to celebrate the birth of our son and be the best father I can be. 




The Strength of Marriage

Marriage take patience and understanding. You must constantly strive to improve the relationship and yourself. In doing so, you treat each other with respect, loyalty, and honor. It is a privilege for someone to let you love
 them. Take it seriously, and the precious time you have with them. When you make mistakes, admit you are wrong. Plan your life together as to make sure your goals are in line with one another. Obstacles will come along the way, but a strong marriage is the hallmark of a strong family. Long after the kids are gone, your relationship and memories through the years are what continue to bind you together. Always treat your spouse as your best friend, be kind, warm, caring, passionate, and loving. In turn, you will reap a lifetime of rewards. 



The way we speak to one another can easily be taken the wrong way. Issues such as our mood, demeanor, and lack of sleep, traffic, financial issues, and work can have a direct impact on someone’s perception. It is tough to go around with a smile on our face every minute of the day, and act as if we live in a utopian world. Now apply that to personal relationships, be it marriage or your significant other. Some of you must be able to read minds as well! That is right you have super powers! You are supposed to know what the other person is thinking, the kind of mood they are in, and what they want you to do all the time. Let us just call you Yoda from now on. 

My wife occasionally reminds me, it is not what you said, but how you said it” i.e. the tone I used. Communications goes both ways, and it is easy to take things out of context based on the tone. Own up to it, if you mess up, apologize and move on. Feelings can easily be hurt. Remember women’s hormones fluctuate, so be prepared for anything. Remember, they are always right! There is no exception to this rule. You have to look past some things, and pick and choose your battles.

In stressful and sensitive situations, the tone you use can have a direct effect on the outcome. Be courteous to one another, set boundaries and rules. If you feel as though things are getting out of hand, walk away, and revisit them at another time when both of you are willing to engage in a constructive conversation. 


Think Before You Speak

Many times, it is easy to blurt out things without ever taking the time to think about what you are getting ready to say. When emotions fill the air, our inability to rationally think causes us to have diarrhea of the mouth. The words that follow makes us feel like a super hero for a few seconds as we deflect words from the other person that make us cringe. What we should realize is there are times when words of positivity and appreciation are the better route to take.

Arguing is nothing more than two people showing how ignorant they are to one another. Even when you know you are right, there is something about the whole process that is undeniably inept. Men tend to be worse at it than women, but it does work both ways.

As I sit here writing this piece, I cannot believe how many times I wasted my energy and time having an argument. Most of the time it is over something silly, but there are times I want my feelings to be heard. In contrast, some believe it is healthy to argue. I tend to agree if it builds trust in the relationship by allowing one another to completely express their thoughts and emotions without ridicule or put downs. When this occurs, the relationship grows, and it brings two people closer. The problem is that most relationships do not allow for this to occur.

In the end, whatever you decide, just make sure you argue in a manner that is beneficial to all parties involved. It is easy to let your emotions take over, stop listening, and throw out as many put downs as possible. That attitude and those actions are detrimental to the relationship. If you truly care, take the time to listen to one another, and engage in a conversation where you leave feeling like you accomplished something together.

Turning the corner or being complacent in 2019

happy new year decorative plate
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Today is the start of another year. It is a time to reflect, reorganize, and decide how to approach the new year. It feels like spring time in a way because you get that warm and fuzzy feeling all over again. What ever happened in 2018 doesn’t matter anymore because it is 2019, and there is time to make yourself a better you.

I am excited about this year because we have two big goals set in place. We have a plan, and it is in motion. On a personal level, I want to be healthy and continue to move forward professionally. Each day brings a new opportunity to improve yourself. Take advantage of the new year and do not get in a rut. One of the biggest things a see people do, and I am guilty of it myself, is we start out full steam ahead, then about three months into it, we fall back into the old habits because it is easy. Set realistic goals. Make them tough enough so you must work for them in order to be successful. Do not let anything get in your way. The only thing stopping you is you.

Another problem I see is people not able to let go of the past or get so caught up in the moment that they lose focus on the goals they have set. The past is the past for a reason. You cannot and will never be that person again so move on. Do not let distractions deter you any longer. Build the future with the same passion you have with trying to hold on to the past. You will have those memories forever and they will never be replaced. Remember you are building new memories, and you may miss out if you are so blinded by the past.

Road bumps, they are going to happen. Deal with it, get over it, and move forward. I had one three days ago, and I saw it as a huge roadblock before we even got started on the goals we set. We made a compromise, and we put stipulations in place. Now it is a win-win situation for everyone.

Finally, you own everything you do or do not do. Remember one of Jocko’s best quotes, “Discipline equals freedom.” Happy New Year and good luck.



Happy Anniversary My Beautiful Bride!

At the time of this writing one year ago today, I married my best friend. Today, we celebrate our first wedding anniversary. She is more beautiful than ever, and I reaffirmed my vows to her.

The year has flown by, but along the way we have learned so much about one another. She makes me a better man. I will not fail her, I will not let her down, and I will always support her to the best of my ability.

Life is very short, but I look forward to the journey of life I have been so fortunate to have experienced with her. Each day brings excitement, joy, and happiness. Today is a time of reflection and joy. To my beautiful bride… thank you for all you do, thank you for being such a strong woman, and thank you for loving me. It is an honor to call you my wife, and I will love and protect your heart as I know it is a privilege you have given me.

Cheers my love!!!! To another year and a life time to go…. I love you.

The Reality of Death

No one knows when they will take their last breath, but when death comes it brings an outpour of mixed emotions. Some want it to be a celebration, but often, it comes when we least expect it. Many people are fortunate enough to live a lifetime of experiences, but there are many times when people are taken without the opportunity to say goodbye.

Grief is a fickle thing, especially when someone leaves this world much younger than they should, leaving families stricken with the lose of a loved one. I cannot imagine living without my wife. I know we are not immortal, but the pain of losing her is something I never want to experience.

My best friend was 39 years old when he died. He was the only person who truly understood me. He had a way of getting along with almost anyone he met, and he was a person who loved and fed off competition. So, I took his death very hard.

Today, my wife had to experience something similar. A mentor or hers died very young, leaving behind a wife and child. He was someone who took the time to look after his people. He and his wife went the extra mile, even when they didn’t have to do so. It makes it even harder when good people are taken to soon. He will be missed by many people.

I do not like seeing my wife in pain. It hurts me as it would anyone else who loves their spouse with all their heart. We all deal with death differently, but it is always hard to find the right words when someone dies. We must look back on the time we had, appreciate those experiences, and take the emotions and feelings back to our family. Death shows us just how fragile life really can be, and it reminds us to love more, show more patience, and embrace our family even more.  Family is the foundation of our lives. Kiss and hug them like it is the last time because when you leave the house or go to bed, you may never get the opportunity to speak to them again.

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